Sheriff Hoyt: I smell bullshit.

Sheriff Hoyt: Excuse me, you mind getting the fuck outta my way, son?

Morgan: Oh, my God, I am *way* too stoned for this!

Sheriff Hoyt: I bet she's real unhappy, real sorry that you're getting fuckin' her blood all over your goddamn arm. You know, back when I was a young patrolman, I used to love wrapping up these young honies.

Andy: Yeah, I bet you did.

Sheriff Hoyt: Yeah, cop me a little bit of a feel every now and then, you know. Oh, look at that. She's kind of wet down there. What you boys been doing with this dead body anyway?

Andy: Can we please finish this?

Andy: Erin, I'm dead. Please finish it. You can do it.

Erin: I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

Andy: Here's a knife. Erin, do it. Do it!

Erin: I can't do it.

Andy: Do it! Do it! Do it!

Erin: Please forgive me... Please forgive me.

Erin: Her body is starting to stink, you guys!

Morgan: It's better than that store.

Andy: Well, I guess that's what brains look like... Sort of like... lasagna... kind of... Okay, I'll shut up now.

[last lines]

Narrator: The crime scene was not properly secured by Travis County Police. Two investigating officers were fatally wounded that day. This is the only known image of Thomas Hewitt, the man they call Leatherface. The case today still remains open.

Morgan: I'm sorry, but how often do girls blow their heads off in this shithole town?

Erin: Tell me you did not go to Mexico to buy weed.

Kemper: We did not go to Mexico to buy weed.

Erin: I didn't go to Mexico to watch you get shit-faced for four days.

Kemper: That's what you do in Mexico!

Sheriff Hoyt: Is that where she was sitting? Because the angle don't add up for me with the blood on that back window.

Morgan: Maybe she was a bit more in the middle.

Sheriff Hoyt: Well, maybe you ought to move a little more over to the middle.

Morgan: But...

Sheriff Hoyt: What, are you afraid of a little blood? Get the fuck over there!

Luda May: Oh, I know your kind. Always cruelty and ridicule for my boy! Well does anyone care about me and my boy?

[first lines]

Narrator: The film which you are about to see is an account of the tragedy which befell a group of 5 youths. It is all the more tragic in that they were young. But had they lived very, very long lives, they could not have expected, nor would they have wished to see as much of the mad and macabre as they were to see that day. For them, an idyllic summer afternoon became a nightmare. For 30 years, the files collected dust in the cold-cases divison of the Travis County Police Department. Over 1,300 pieces of evidence were collected from the crime scene at the Hewitt residence. Yet none of the evidence was more compelling than the classified police footage of the crime-scene walk-through.

Adams (officer in walkthrough): Test test test... OK, uh, this is, uh, August 20th, 1973. The time is, uh, 3:47 P.M. Our location is the Hewitt residence on Route 17; it's where victim one was found. We're gonna do a walk-through, and we're now descending the stairs into the furnace room... uh... There's - over here - there's scratch marks along the wall. There's some more over here, right over here. And, oh, there's something over here. Seems... Looks like a clot of hair and an embedded fingernail. All right, we're gonna go move into the actual furnace room.

Narrator: The events of that day were to lead to one of the most bizarre crimes in the annals of American history - the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

[after Morgan tries shooting the sheriff with no avail]

Sheriff Hoyt: Well, well, well. Look at we have here. We got ourselves a killer. Only this time, you killed the sheriff.

Morgan: Will somebody tell her to please stop singing?

Morgan: What are we gonna do?

Kemper: I don't know... uh... we gotta call the cops, I guess.

Morgan: Um, yeah, on a list of bad ideas, that one goes, way up there. Oh, police officers, please, as you inspect a crime scene, which is now our van, please, ignore the colorful pinata, filled with marijuana, in case you happen to come across it, because it played no part, you know, whatsoever in the demise of this unfortunate, young, woman.

Erin: What's wrong with you fucking people?

Sheriff Hoyt: Nothing wrong with us.

Kemper: [after he sees a possum in a closet] Give me something to hold!

Sheriff Hoyt: You know, I have just as much respect for dead as anybody.

[sees Andy and Morgan putting the dead hitchhiker in the backseat of his patrol car]

Sheriff Hoyt: Get that nasty, goddamn thing out of the backseat of my goddamn car. Put it in the trunk, what the hell's the matter with you?

[sees rotten big corpse in meat window]

Morgan: Anyone want some pig?

[points cane in Kemper's chest]

Old Monty: I said she could call him; you wait outside.

Kemper: Okay, chief.

Old Monty: I ain't lookin' for trouble!

Kemper: Don't shoot!

Morgan: I was like Erin don't drink the water down there...

Erin: I didn't!

Kemper: And she didn't drink the tequila, she didn't drink the weed, smoke the weed.

Pepper: I don't know about you guys, but I happen to like my teeth right where they are.

Kemper: Morgan, how are you an expert on the dumbest shit?

Old Monty: What the hell are you doing in my house?

Andy: All right, look. We're just looking for are friend, all right. Then we'll be out of here.

Old Monty: You ain't running things, boy except your mouth.

Andy: This guy's crazy.

Old Monty: You little turd, you're so dead, you don't even know it.

Sheriff Hoyt: You kids shouldn't have messed with that little girl. You brought this all on yourself.

Andy: I love you...

Erin: Please forgive me...

Andy: Yo, Kemp, can you do something about the A.C. back here? I'm melting.

Kemper: No. But if you or Pepper get too hot, you could always take your clothes off.

Andy: You'd like that, wouldn't you?

Erin: You are such a perv. Don't listen to him, Pepper.

Pepper: Why not? I think he's funny.

Erin: She's only known you for 19 hours. I've lived with him for 3 years, and trust me, he is not funny.

Sheriff Hoyt: How about giving me a hand here, asshole? You don't expect me to do this by myself? I need some help.

Andy: Why do I always get yanked into this shit? What am I doing?

Sheriff Hoyt: Lift her up and just kind of pull her over your way there. She ain't gonna bite you. She's deader than a goddamn doornail. Get a-hold of her and pick her up.

Pepper: It just seems so wrong.

Sheriff Hoyt: Don't give me any crap, young lady. Goddamn it, I got just as much respect for a dead body as anybody around here.

Jedidiah: Gramma! Let me in now!

Luda May: You best stay out there with them dogs 'til you learn how to play by the rules!

Kemper: I've never seen anybody die before.

Morgan: Yeah, most people never do.

Erin: [trying to hotwire a patrol car] Come on, you bitch, start!

Teenage Girl: [Leans over and sobs with Erin, Kemper, Morgan, Andy and Pepper all watching her in the van] He's a bad man... he's a REALLY bad man!

Henrietta: [Hangs up the phone] I've got to go. Bye.

[Looks at Erin]

Henrietta: Something the matter, child? You don't look so good.

Erin: I thought you said you didn't have a phone.

Erin: [Watches Henrietta cradle the baby after she discovered that it was related to the hitch-hiker] That's not your baby.

[pause]

Erin: YOU STOLE HER!

Henrietta: She's MINE.

[Erin starts feeling an overwhelming emotion of everything that's been going on in combination of the drugged-up tea. She walks a little ways through the hallway, into the living room and then faints]