Trent: Your tits are stupendous.

Bree: Wow, you really know how to make a girl feel special, don't you?

Trent: Yeah, that's what I do.

Chewie: [hands over hockey stick to Jason] Are you looking for this? Because, uh, it completes your outfit.

[coming out of a cramped backseat]

Chewie: Oh, my God. Babies have more space in the uterus.

Lawrence: I got business I gotta do this weekend.

Chelsea: What business?

Lawrence: Music. I'm trying to start a label.

Chelsea: Oh, yeah? Like what kind? Like rap?

Lawrence: Why you gotta go racial? Look, don't put me in a box, all right? What, because I'm black I can't listen to Green Day?

Chelsea: You're right, that was dumb. So, what kind of music?

Lawrence: Rap.

Donnie: [to Clay] You're fucking lucky there, stretch. Came that close to hitting the start button on the whoop-ass machine, boy.

Pamela Voorhees: Kill for Mother...

Chewie: [watching Bree dance suggestively, to Lawrence] In my next life, I wanna come back as one of the buttons on the ass pocket of her jean shorts.

Lawrence: [Clay and Jenna just ran inside the house telling him they found a body] You fucking with me because I'm high? That's not cool. Because I just finished fucking smoking, okay?

Richie: Do you know how many lakes are probably called Crystal Lake? It's like Crystal Geyser, Crystal Water. Go to a supermarket. Every single bottled water is named "Crystal" something.

Wade: Aquafina.

Chewie: [after breaking Trent's chair] They don't call me the "wood wizard" because I masturbate a lot.

[walking down the path after breaking Trent's chair, imitates Trent]

Chewie: Hi, my name is Trent. My daddy bent me over this chair and beat me when I was little, so you need to fix it.

Donnie: [tears burlap sac off Jason revealing his face] That shit ain't fucking right, dude. What the fuck?

[Jason slashes his throat]

Clay Miller: I want to ask you if you, uh- if maybe you'd seen somebody...

[holds up flier of Whitney]

Clay Miller: It's my sister. She came up around here with some friends and... she's gone missing.

Old Lady: She ain't missing. She's dead.

Trent: [to Bree] You got perfect nipple placement, baby.

Trent: [to Clay] I would probably leave soon before I get pissed off and, you know...

Clay Miller: Yeah?

Trent: Yeah.

[looks from Clay to door, seemingly tough]

Clay Miller: [unfazed] What happens then?

Whitney Miller: Jason. Say hi to Mommy...

[stabs Jason with machete]

Whitney Miller: ...in hell.

Trent: [to Jenna, his girlfriend, while having sex with Bree] Shut the fuck up!

Trent: [while having sex with Bree] These would win in a fucking titty contest!

Trent: [to Bree] Your tits are fucking just... so juicy, dude.

Richie: I'm not gonna go out there with a boner.

Amanda: Well, you're not gonna get any until you do.

Old Lady: People go missing around here, they're gone for good. Outsiders come, they don't know where to walk. They bring trouble. We just want to be left alone. And so does he.

Clay Miller: So does who?

Pamela Voorhees: His name was Jason. And today, is his birthday...

Amanda: [while having sex] I heard something; stop it! Wait, I'm serious.

Richie: What?

Amanda: I think Wade's watching us.

Richie: Wha... well, fuck it. Let the perv watch.

Trent: Hey, Lawrence, how about a little help?

Lawrence: Dude, that's not a good look for you, man. You ask the one black guy to pump the gas for you? Shit.

Trent: Okay. Nolan. How about I pay, you pump?

Nolan: Sure, man. Hey, I give a wicked blow job too.

Trent: Okay, well, um, we'll try that out later.

Bree: [speaking softly to Chewie with a flaming drink] Did you forget how to drink that? Just bring it to your lips, blow, and suck.

[first lines]

Pamela Voorhees: Come here. Come here now.

Camp Counselor: No.

Pamela Voorhees: You're the last one. I've killed all the others. It'll be easier for you than it was for Jason.

Camp Counselor: Why are you doing this?

Pamela Voorhees: You need to be punished for what you did to him.

Camp Counselor: I didn't do anything.

Pamela Voorhees: You let him drown. Jason was my son.

Camp Counselor: I didn't do anything. No. No. No. Please.

Pamela Voorhees: You should have been watching him. Every minute.

[Camp Counselor decapitates Pamela. Young Jason approaches the body, picks up a photo-locket]

Pamela Voorhees: Jason. My special, special boy. They must be punished, Jason. For what they did to you. For what they did to me.

Pamela Voorhees: [Young Jason picks up the machete, walks away] Kill for mother.

Pamela Voorhees: Jason... my special, special boy!

Wade: [to Richie before he has sex with Amanda] May the force be with your schwartz.

Chewie: [grabs a hockey stick] Hey. Now, this is a real man's sport. You're even curved to the left, like my penis.

[from trailer]

Pamela Voorhees: Did you know a young boy drowned here? He was my son. And today, is his birthday.

Richie: Hey, do you know how much money we're gonna make selling this weed?

Wade: We're gonna make a lot of fucking money.

Richie: Yeah, okay? So, listen to me: relax.

Wade: I am relaxed. You wanna know why?

Richie: Why?

Wade: 'Cause I'm gonna be fuckin' rich. You know what rich people do?

Richie: What?

Wade: They relax.

Richie: How's that beer treating you, beer snob?

Mike: Better than my own piss.

Wade: You can drink that, by the way. Yours, hers, hers, mine, yours. I swear to God, piss is sterile.

Amanda: For the record, you will never drink my piss.

Wade: That's what you think.

Richie: [after hearing about Jason, to Wade] I get it, though, dude. You do what you gotta do to survive, you know? If we were all out here starving to death and you were... and you were dead, I'd eat your leg.

Amanda: That's really sweet.

Richie: Thank you.

Wade: Why would you eat my leg, man? I can teach you how to fish; just go fishing.

Richie: I don't eat fish.

Amanda: That's not what you told me.

[they laugh]

Lawrence: [Chewie pulls out a bong] Lucille? Baby, is that you?

Chewie: [acting as Lucille] Lawrence, you've been cheating on me.

Lawrence: No.

Chewie: I saw you with a bowl the other night.

Lawrence: No, you...

Chewie: A bowl!

[from trailer]

Clay: Hey, I'm not from around here, but I'm looking for my sister. She's gone missing.

Jenna: I never liked camp.

Clay Miller: Why?

Jenna: Bad food, bugs, cheap toilet paper...

Lawrence: [about Bree] Just go over there and fucking talk to her.

Chewie: Are you kidding? I have a better shot at fucking a penguin than that girl.

[from trailer]

Chelsea: What are you doing, Nolan?