Podcast 36: The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

November 26, 2021 Jon S Movies, Podcasting 0 Comments
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

The 3 Guys Podcast

Recorded on 11/11/2021

In this podcast episode we review the listener requested movie The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (Released 2004) starring Bill Murray, Owen Wilson, Cate Blanchett, Anjelica Huston, Willem Dafoe and Jeff Goldblum. WARNING: There will be SPOILERS.

Notes From The Show

  • Quick Synopsis

  • Released: December 25, 2004

    Directed By: Wes Anderson

    Written By: Wes Anderson, Noah Baumbach

    Stars:  Bill Murray, Owen Wilson, Cate Blanchett, Anjelica Huston, Willem Dafoe, Jeff Goldblum, Michael Gambon, Bud Cort

    Plot:  Internationally famous oceanographer Steve Zissou and his crew–Team Zissou–set sail on an expedition to hunt down the mysterious, elusive, possibly non-existent Jaguar Shark that killed Zissou’s partner during the documentary filming of their latest adventure. A young airline co-pilot who may or may not be Zissou’s son, a beautiful journalist assigned to write a profile of Zissou, and Zissou’s estranged wife and co-producer, Eleanor, joins them on their voyage. They face overwhelming complications including pirates, kidnapping, and bankruptcy.

    How did this movie do
    Budget:           $50 Million
    Box office:      $35 Million ($11 Million of that was international)
    Total Est. Domestic Video Sales: $1 Million

  • Inspiration

  • Anderson was inspired to make the movie because of one of his childhood heroes: Jacques-Yves Cousteau, the popular oceanographer and adventurer. Many of the details in the movie mirror Cousteau’s real life. The character of Zissou was originally supposed to be named “Steve Cousteau,” and besides being an ocean-documentarian like the fictitious Zissou, Cousteau also had a research vessel named the Calypso (Zizzou’s is the Belafonte), which, like Zissou’s ship, had a mini-sub, a gyrocopter, and a research balloon. Cousteau’s crew wore red knit caps and uniforms, and his son Phillipe was tragically killed in a plane crash.

  • The Ship

    • The cross section of the Belafonte, in which we see all of the interior rooms and the people within it, was one hundred forty feet long and forty feet high.

    • This movie is dedicated to Jacques-Yves Cousteau; Cousteau’s ship was the “Calypso”. Zissou’s ship is called the “Belafonte”; Harry Belafonte became famous singing calypso songs. In the beginning sequence, when Zissou (Bill Murray) is first introduced to the Italian audience, the model of the “Belafonte” on his desk is actually a model of the “Calypso”, painted blue instead of black.

    • A fifty-year-old minesweeper vessel bought and towed from South Africa served as the “Belafonte”.

    • Jacques-Yves Cousteau’s boat, the “Calypso”, was an old British minesweeper. The “Belafonte” was also an old minesweeper

  • The Ship

    • The character of Steve Zissou was written with Bill Murray in mind, and according to co-writer and director Wes Anderson, it “could have been no one else.”

    • Gwyneth Paltrow was originally set to play Jane Winslett-Richardson, but couldn’t because of schedule conflicts. Nicole Kidman expressed interest and Wes Anderson hired her. Kidman was forced to bow out due to other commitments, and Julianne Moore requested the role. However, it eventually went to Cate Blanchett. Anderson admitted the character’s name was inspired by Kate Winslet.

    • Most of the parts were written with the actors and actresses in mind who ultimately played the characters, such as Bill Murray, Anjelica Huston, and Bud Cort.

    • The cast includes two Oscar winners: Anjelica Huston and Cate Blanchett; and six Oscar nominees: Bill Murray, Owen Wilson, Jeff Goldblum, Willem Dafoe, Seymour Cassel, and Noah Baumbach.

    • Seymour Cassel has a brief role as Esteban du Plantier, the friend of Steve Zissou (Bill Murray), who is eaten by the Jaguar shark. According to Roger Ebert, Cassel once told him in an interview many years previously that he had always wanted to be eaten by a shark in a movie.

  • Trivia

    • The movie is dedicated to Jacques-Yves Cousteau, whose son Philippe Cousteau, Sr. died in a seaplane crash. In the movie, Ned, who is possibly Steve’s son, dies after a sea helicopter crash.

    • During the end credits the filmmakers acknowledge that the real Steve Zissou is a prominent attorney in New York City specializing in complex federal litigation.

    • Cate Blanchett never rehearsed with the crew and hadn’t even met most of them before filming the nighttime electric jellyfish scene in which she first appears in the movie to add spontaneity to the scene.

    • The red woolen caps worn by the characters are a reference to Jacques-Yves Cousteau, famed underwater filmmaker and co-inventor of the modern aqualung.

    • Matthew Gray Gubler (Intern #1) was also co-writer and director Wes Anderson’s intern in real life.

    • Seu Jorge translated the David Bowie songs into Portuguese and arranged them for guitar himself.

    • During filming, Bill Murray became a certified diver, logging over forty hours.

    • Co-writers Noah Baumbach and Wes Anderson named several of the places and crew members in this movie spontaneously after things and people they saw around them at the Italian restaurant where they held many of their meetings about the movie. Pescespada Island, for instance, was named for one of the dishes on the menu. Some of the characters’ names were named after waiters and patrons at the restaurant.

    • Wes Anderson watched many movies set on the ocean to see how the sea movement was simulated. He found that in The Black Stallion (1979) there was only one scene set in a hallway that had the camera rocking, and so he decided to have just one rocking hallway scene in this movie.

    • One fish, dubbed “The Hydronicus Inverticus”, was left on the cutting-room floor because it was deemed too ridiculous. It is a fish that can turn itself inside-out.

    • When he learned of Cate Blanchett’s real-life pregnancy, co-writer and director Wes Anderson jokingly accused her of taking method acting too far.

    • Wes Anderson has stated the walking sequence in the final credits is an homage to The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension (1984), also featuring Jeff Goldblum.

    • At $50 million, this was Wes Anderson’s biggest-budgeted movie which failed to make money, earning back only $34.8 million worldwide.

    • Matthew Gray Gubler (Intern #1) sprained his ankle while filming a scene where the interns are exercising (the take where he falls made it into the final cut). Gubler always wears mismatched socks and attributes his bad luck to having worn matching socks that particular day for the first time in several years.

    • Bill Murray would serenade the cast and crew in moments of downtime to stave off boredom. Murray, however, is not noted for his musical abilities, so Owen Wilson bought a foosball table to keep everyone entertained.

    • The original script called for the pirates to be Indonesians, but since there wasn’t enough of an Indonesian population in Italy where the movie was shot, it was changed to Filipinos.

    • As a pilot, early in this movie, Ned Plimpton (Owen Wilson) wears a Rolex GMT Master. This watch is popular with airline pilots for calculating time zones. By the end of this movie, he has given up the GMT and chosen a Rolex Submariner, for obvious reasons.

    • Bill Murray had to temporarily leave the production to fly to Los Angeles for the Golden Globe awards where he won for Best Actor in a Comedy for his performance in Lost in Translation (2003).

    • Wes Anderson claimed to be going through an Italian phase during the time of making this movie. That’s one of the reasons why it was shot in Rome at the Cinecitta Studios.

    • When Steve Zissou (Bill Murray) stumbles on the kidnappers playing cards, one of the kidnappers can be seen wearing a hat featuring the Longhorn logo of the University of Texas. Wes Anderson graduated from the University of Texas at Austin.

    • When Steve (Bill Murray) discovers the pirates playing cards, Hennessey (Jeff Goldblum) wears a t-shirt with “I’m a Pepper” written on it. This is the same t-shirt worn by the gun seller in Wes Anderson’s Bottle Rocket (1994).

    • The ailment acquired by Steve, hydrogen psychosis (or “crazy-eye”) is a play on an actual diving malady known as nitrogen narcosis.

    • The DVD commentary was recorded in the same New York City diner where Wes Anderson and Noah Baumbach wrote this movie.

    • DIRECTOR TRADEMARK (Wes Anderson): (mid shot speed change): The last scene changes from normal speed to slow-motion.

    • The shot of Steve Zissou feeding a fish to a killer whale, which appears during a montage on Zissou’s island, was also in the script for Wes Anderson’s earlier movie Rushmore (1998) (where it was written into a montage when Bill Murray’s character is looking at fish specimens for his new aquarium).

    • Bill Murray couldn’t accept his BAFTA Award for his performance in Lost in Translation (2003) personally because he was in Italy filming this movie.

    • DIRECTOR TRADEMARK (Wes Anderson): (mid shot speed change): When Steve Zissou (Bill Murray) smokes a joint alone at the bow of the ship after first meeting Ned (Owen Wilson), the film shifts from normal speed to slow-motion.

    • Alistair Hennessey’s (Jeff Goldblum’s) ship was modelled after the “Keldysh”, the biggest and most modern oceanographic research ship in the world, and property of the Russian Academy of Science.

    • The space suit in the Adventurers’ Club is from another Touchstone movie, Mission to Mars (2000).

    • The “Hermes Eel” is patterned after an Hermes scarf.

    • During filming, the Chicago Cubs made a deep run into the Major League playoffs, mounting a 3-1 lead in the NLCS. Bill Murray, a native of the Chicago area, had it written in to his contract that he receive a live feed of all the Cubs’ games. The Cubs eventually lost the series to the Florida Marlins, prolonging their World Series drought to ninety-five years.

    • Owen Wilson’s Southern accent is based on that of Will Patton.

    • The two most prominent non-David Bowie songs on the soundtrack have an in-joke element. Iggy and the Stooges’ “Search and Destroy” was recorded for Bowie’s MainMan Management company and co-mixed by Bowie. Devo’s “Gut Feeling” was co-written by this movie’s composer, Mark Mothersbaugh, and is truncated (after nearly two minutes of introduction) just before his vocal starts.

    • (At around one hour and six minutes) There is a direct Star Wars reference as the “Belafonte” comes into Port Au Patois. The seaman on the crows nest is looking through a white pair of binoculars which look very similar to the macrobinoculars that Luke Skywalker used on Hoth in Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back (1980). The following cut shows the view of Willem Dafoe through these binoculars as he is yelling “Port Au Patois” to the crew. This shot, seen from the point-of-view of these binoculars, is almost identical to the look of Luke’s macrobinoculars in Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope (1977) as he views the Tusken Raiders from the cliff top. So really, two Star Wars references.

    • Cate Blanchett and Jeff Goldblum appeared in Thor: Ragnarök (2017).

    • While being fitted for her pregnancy prosthetic, which involved being wrapped in a full body cast, Cate Blanchett fainted. She was rather surprised by this, as she had never fainted before, and learned in the next few days that she actually was pregnant.

    • The jaguar shark is one of the largest stop-motion puppets ever constructed. It measured eight feet in length and required five hand-cranked controls for the swimming action.

    • When Bill Ubell (Bud Cort) is kidnapped by pirates, Cort felt that his character should lose fifty pounds, a decision that made Wes Anderson nervous. Cort proceeded to go through with it, and despite getting ill during the process, he lost fifty pounds.

    • In the wide shot of the “Belafonte” during the closing credits, we see a figure that seems to be Ned Plimpton dressed in his pilot’s uniform and smoking a pipe on the highest level of the boat as the rest of the crew is boarding.

Released: December 25, 2004

Directed By: Wes Anderson

Written By: Wes Anderson, Noah Baumbach

Stars:  Bill Murray, Owen Wilson, Cate Blanchett, Anjelica Huston, Willem Dafoe, Jeff Goldblum, Michael Gambon, Bud Cort

Plot:  Internationally famous oceanographer Steve Zissou and his crew–Team Zissou–set sail on an expedition to hunt down the mysterious, elusive, possibly non-existent Jaguar Shark that killed Zissou’s partner during the documentary filming of their latest adventure. A young airline co-pilot who may or may not be Zissou’s son, a beautiful journalist assigned to write a profile of Zissou, and Zissou’s estranged wife and co-producer, Eleanor, joins them on their voyage. They face overwhelming complications including pirates, kidnapping, and bankruptcy.

How did this movie do
Budget:           $50 Million
Box office:      $35 Million ($11 Million of that was international)
Total Est. Domestic Video Sales: $1 Million

Anderson was inspired to make the movie because of one of his childhood heroes: Jacques-Yves Cousteau, the popular oceanographer and adventurer. Many of the details in the movie mirror Cousteau’s real life. The character of Zissou was originally supposed to be named “Steve Cousteau,” and besides being an ocean-documentarian like the fictitious Zissou, Cousteau also had a research vessel named the Calypso (Zizzou’s is the Belafonte), which, like Zissou’s ship, had a mini-sub, a gyrocopter, and a research balloon. Cousteau’s crew wore red knit caps and uniforms, and his son Phillipe was tragically killed in a plane crash.

  • The cross section of the Belafonte, in which we see all of the interior rooms and the people within it, was one hundred forty feet long and forty feet high.

  • This movie is dedicated to Jacques-Yves Cousteau; Cousteau’s ship was the “Calypso”. Zissou’s ship is called the “Belafonte”; Harry Belafonte became famous singing calypso songs. In the beginning sequence, when Zissou (Bill Murray) is first introduced to the Italian audience, the model of the “Belafonte” on his desk is actually a model of the “Calypso”, painted blue instead of black.

  • A fifty-year-old minesweeper vessel bought and towed from South Africa served as the “Belafonte”.

  • Jacques-Yves Cousteau’s boat, the “Calypso”, was an old British minesweeper. The “Belafonte” was also an old minesweeper
  • The character of Steve Zissou was written with Bill Murray in mind, and according to co-writer and director Wes Anderson, it “could have been no one else.”

  • Gwyneth Paltrow was originally set to play Jane Winslett-Richardson, but couldn’t because of schedule conflicts. Nicole Kidman expressed interest and Wes Anderson hired her. Kidman was forced to bow out due to other commitments, and Julianne Moore requested the role. However, it eventually went to Cate Blanchett. Anderson admitted the character’s name was inspired by Kate Winslet.

  • Most of the parts were written with the actors and actresses in mind who ultimately played the characters, such as Bill Murray, Anjelica Huston, and Bud Cort.

  • The cast includes two Oscar winners: Anjelica Huston and Cate Blanchett; and six Oscar nominees: Bill Murray, Owen Wilson, Jeff Goldblum, Willem Dafoe, Seymour Cassel, and Noah Baumbach.

  • Seymour Cassel has a brief role as Esteban du Plantier, the friend of Steve Zissou (Bill Murray), who is eaten by the Jaguar shark. According to Roger Ebert, Cassel once told him in an interview many years previously that he had always wanted to be eaten by a shark in a movie.
  • The movie is dedicated to Jacques-Yves Cousteau, whose son Philippe Cousteau, Sr. died in a seaplane crash. In the movie, Ned, who is possibly Steve’s son, dies after a sea helicopter crash.

  • During the end credits the filmmakers acknowledge that the real Steve Zissou is a prominent attorney in New York City specializing in complex federal litigation.

  • Cate Blanchett never rehearsed with the crew and hadn’t even met most of them before filming the nighttime electric jellyfish scene in which she first appears in the movie to add spontaneity to the scene.

  • The red woolen caps worn by the characters are a reference to Jacques-Yves Cousteau, famed underwater filmmaker and co-inventor of the modern aqualung.

  • Matthew Gray Gubler (Intern #1) was also co-writer and director Wes Anderson’s intern in real life.

  • Seu Jorge translated the David Bowie songs into Portuguese and arranged them for guitar himself.

  • During filming, Bill Murray became a certified diver, logging over forty hours.

  • Co-writers Noah Baumbach and Wes Anderson named several of the places and crew members in this movie spontaneously after things and people they saw around them at the Italian restaurant where they held many of their meetings about the movie. Pescespada Island, for instance, was named for one of the dishes on the menu. Some of the characters’ names were named after waiters and patrons at the restaurant.

  • Wes Anderson watched many movies set on the ocean to see how the sea movement was simulated. He found that in The Black Stallion (1979) there was only one scene set in a hallway that had the camera rocking, and so he decided to have just one rocking hallway scene in this movie.

  • One fish, dubbed “The Hydronicus Inverticus”, was left on the cutting-room floor because it was deemed too ridiculous. It is a fish that can turn itself inside-out.

  • When he learned of Cate Blanchett’s real-life pregnancy, co-writer and director Wes Anderson jokingly accused her of taking method acting too far.

  • Wes Anderson has stated the walking sequence in the final credits is an homage to The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension (1984), also featuring Jeff Goldblum.

  • At $50 million, this was Wes Anderson’s biggest-budgeted movie which failed to make money, earning back only $34.8 million worldwide.

  • Matthew Gray Gubler (Intern #1) sprained his ankle while filming a scene where the interns are exercising (the take where he falls made it into the final cut). Gubler always wears mismatched socks and attributes his bad luck to having worn matching socks that particular day for the first time in several years.

  • Bill Murray would serenade the cast and crew in moments of downtime to stave off boredom. Murray, however, is not noted for his musical abilities, so Owen Wilson bought a foosball table to keep everyone entertained.

  • The original script called for the pirates to be Indonesians, but since there wasn’t enough of an Indonesian population in Italy where the movie was shot, it was changed to Filipinos.

  • As a pilot, early in this movie, Ned Plimpton (Owen Wilson) wears a Rolex GMT Master. This watch is popular with airline pilots for calculating time zones. By the end of this movie, he has given up the GMT and chosen a Rolex Submariner, for obvious reasons.

  • Bill Murray had to temporarily leave the production to fly to Los Angeles for the Golden Globe awards where he won for Best Actor in a Comedy for his performance in Lost in Translation (2003).

  • Wes Anderson claimed to be going through an Italian phase during the time of making this movie. That’s one of the reasons why it was shot in Rome at the Cinecitta Studios.

  • When Steve Zissou (Bill Murray) stumbles on the kidnappers playing cards, one of the kidnappers can be seen wearing a hat featuring the Longhorn logo of the University of Texas. Wes Anderson graduated from the University of Texas at Austin.

  • When Steve (Bill Murray) discovers the pirates playing cards, Hennessey (Jeff Goldblum) wears a t-shirt with “I’m a Pepper” written on it. This is the same t-shirt worn by the gun seller in Wes Anderson’s Bottle Rocket (1994).

  • The ailment acquired by Steve, hydrogen psychosis (or “crazy-eye”) is a play on an actual diving malady known as nitrogen narcosis.

  • The DVD commentary was recorded in the same New York City diner where Wes Anderson and Noah Baumbach wrote this movie.

  • DIRECTOR TRADEMARK (Wes Anderson): (mid shot speed change): The last scene changes from normal speed to slow-motion.

  • The shot of Steve Zissou feeding a fish to a killer whale, which appears during a montage on Zissou’s island, was also in the script for Wes Anderson’s earlier movie Rushmore (1998) (where it was written into a montage when Bill Murray’s character is looking at fish specimens for his new aquarium).

  • Bill Murray couldn’t accept his BAFTA Award for his performance in Lost in Translation (2003) personally because he was in Italy filming this movie.

  • DIRECTOR TRADEMARK (Wes Anderson): (mid shot speed change): When Steve Zissou (Bill Murray) smokes a joint alone at the bow of the ship after first meeting Ned (Owen Wilson), the film shifts from normal speed to slow-motion.

  • Alistair Hennessey’s (Jeff Goldblum’s) ship was modelled after the “Keldysh”, the biggest and most modern oceanographic research ship in the world, and property of the Russian Academy of Science.

  • The space suit in the Adventurers’ Club is from another Touchstone movie, Mission to Mars (2000).

  • The “Hermes Eel” is patterned after an Hermes scarf.

  • During filming, the Chicago Cubs made a deep run into the Major League playoffs, mounting a 3-1 lead in the NLCS. Bill Murray, a native of the Chicago area, had it written in to his contract that he receive a live feed of all the Cubs’ games. The Cubs eventually lost the series to the Florida Marlins, prolonging their World Series drought to ninety-five years.

  • Owen Wilson’s Southern accent is based on that of Will Patton.

  • The two most prominent non-David Bowie songs on the soundtrack have an in-joke element. Iggy and the Stooges’ “Search and Destroy” was recorded for Bowie’s MainMan Management company and co-mixed by Bowie. Devo’s “Gut Feeling” was co-written by this movie’s composer, Mark Mothersbaugh, and is truncated (after nearly two minutes of introduction) just before his vocal starts.

  • (At around one hour and six minutes) There is a direct Star Wars reference as the “Belafonte” comes into Port Au Patois. The seaman on the crows nest is looking through a white pair of binoculars which look very similar to the macrobinoculars that Luke Skywalker used on Hoth in Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back (1980). The following cut shows the view of Willem Dafoe through these binoculars as he is yelling “Port Au Patois” to the crew. This shot, seen from the point-of-view of these binoculars, is almost identical to the look of Luke’s macrobinoculars in Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope (1977) as he views the Tusken Raiders from the cliff top. So really, two Star Wars references.

  • Cate Blanchett and Jeff Goldblum appeared in Thor: Ragnarök (2017).

  • While being fitted for her pregnancy prosthetic, which involved being wrapped in a full body cast, Cate Blanchett fainted. She was rather surprised by this, as she had never fainted before, and learned in the next few days that she actually was pregnant.

  • The jaguar shark is one of the largest stop-motion puppets ever constructed. It measured eight feet in length and required five hand-cranked controls for the swimming action.

  • When Bill Ubell (Bud Cort) is kidnapped by pirates, Cort felt that his character should lose fifty pounds, a decision that made Wes Anderson nervous. Cort proceeded to go through with it, and despite getting ill during the process, he lost fifty pounds.

  • In the wide shot of the “Belafonte” during the closing credits, we see a figure that seems to be Ned Plimpton dressed in his pilot’s uniform and smoking a pipe on the highest level of the boat as the rest of the crew is boarding.

The 3 Guys Rating

2.5/5

About The Movie From IMDB

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou Action, Adventure, Comedy, Drama, Romance | December 25, 2004 (United States) 7.3
Director: Wes AndersonWriter: Wes Anderson, Noah BaumbachStars: Bill Murray, Owen Wilson, Anjelica HustonSummary: When his partner is killed by the mysterious and possibly nonexistent Jaguar Shark, Steve Zissou (Bill Murray) and his Team Zissou crew set off for an expedition to hunt down the creature. Along with his estranged wife, a beautiful journalist and a co-pilot who could possibly be Zissou's son, the crew set off for one wild expedition. —FilmFanUK

Photos


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Videos


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Cast

Bill Murray
...
Steve Zissou
Owen Wilson
...
Ned Plimpton
Anjelica Huston
...
Eleanor Zissou
Cate Blanchett
...
Jane Winslett-Richardson
Willem Dafoe
...
Klaus Daimler
Jeff Goldblum
...
Alistair Hennessey
Michael Gambon
...
Oseary Drakoulias
Noah Taylor
...
Vladimir Wolodarsky
Bud Cort
...
Bill Ubell
Seu Jorge
...
Pelé dos Santos
Robyn Cohen
...
Anne-Marie Sakowitz
Waris Ahluwalia
...
Vikram Ray
Niels Koizumi
...
Bobby Ogata
Pawel Wdowczak
...
Renzo Pietro
Matthew Gray Gubler
...
Intern #1
Seymour Cassel
...
Esteban du Plantier
Antonio Monda
...
Festival Director
Isabella Blow
...
Antonia Cook

See full cast >>
Countries: United StatesLanguages: English, Icelandic, Filipino, Portuguese, French, Tagalog, German, ItalianBudget: $50,000,000 (estimated)
Source: imdb.com
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7.3
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou Action, Adventure, Comedy, Drama, Romance | December 25, 2004 (United States)
Director: Wes AndersonWriter: Wes Anderson, Noah BaumbachStars: Bill Murray, Owen Wilson, Anjelica Huston
Summary: With a plan to exact revenge on a mythical shark that killed his partner, Oceanographer Steve Zissou (Bill Murray) rallies a crew that includes his estranged wife, a journalist, and a man wh... Read all
Countries: United StatesLanguages: English, Icelandic, Filipino, Portuguese, French, Tagalog, German, Italian
Source: imdb.comDisclaimer: This plugin has been coded to automatically quote data from imdb.com. Not available for any other purpose. All showing data have a link to imdb.com. The user is responsible for any other use or change codes.

Quotes

Steve Zissou: Don't point that gun at him, he's an unpaid intern.

[a woman asks a question about the shark Zissou is hunting]

Festival Director: [translating] That's an endangered species at most. What would be the scientific purpose of killing it?

Steve Zissou: Revenge.

Alistair Hennessey: Is this my espresso machine? Wh-what is-h-how did you get my espresso machine?

Bill Ubell: Well... uh... we fuckin' stole it, man.

Steve Zissou: Son of a bitch, I'm sick of these dolphins.

[last lines]

Steve Zissou: This is an adventure.

Steve Zissou: Oh, shit! Swamp leeches. Everybody, check for swamp leeches, and pull them off... Nobody else got hit? I'm the only one? What's the deal?

Jane Winslett-Richardson: Are we - are we safe in here?

Steve Zissou: I doubt it.

Klaus Daimler: Do you still want to blow him up?

Steve Zissou: No, we're out of dynamite anyway.

Eleanor Zissou: It is beautiful Steve.

Steve Zissou: Yea, it's pretty good isn't it... I wonder if it remembers me...

Steve Zissou: Supposedly Cousteau and his cronies invented the idea of putting walkie-talkies into the helmet. But we made ours with a special rabbit ear on the top so we could pipe in some music.

Ned Plimpton: Stevesy, what's going on? Are those hijackers?

Steve Zissou: Well, out here we call them "pirates," Ned.

[on Eleanor]

Alistair Hennessey: We've never made great husbands, have we? Of course, I have a good excuse. I'm part gay.

Steve Zissou: Wolodarsky, go get the keys to that fishing boat, and throw them in the water. No, wait. They might have another set. Just blow it up.

Steve Zissou: Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to tag along is more than welcome.

Ned Plimpton: I've never seen so many electric jellyfish in all my life!

Ned Plimpton: Why didn't you ever try to contact me?

Steve Zissou: Because I hate fathers, and I never wanted to be one.

Steve Zissou: Please don't make fun of me. I just wanted to flirt with you.

[Steve bursts to the surface from an underwater dive, shouting hysterically]

Klaus Daimler: Steve!

Steve Zissou: Vikram, is that thing rolling?

Klaus Daimler: Where's Esteban?

[Written text of what Steve is shouting rolls onto the screen as he speaks]

Steve Zissou: Encounter with highly abnormal shark-like fish! Ten meters in length! Unfamiliar dorsal features! Spots all over it! I shot it dorsally with a homing dart!

[shouts]

Steve Zissou: Esteban was eaten!

Klaus Daimler: Is he dead?

Steve Zissou: Esteban was eaten! Check the scanning monitor before it dives too deep!

Klaus Daimler: He was bitten?

Steve Zissou: Eaten!

Klaus Daimler: [shocked] He was swallowed whole?

Steve Zissou: No! *Chewed*!

Klaus Daimler: [to the camera] He's got hydrogen psychosis, the crazy-eye!

[camera zooms in on Steve's face - his eyes are dilated ridiculously large]

Klaus Daimler: Steve! They say you've got crazy-eye!

[to the camera]

Klaus Daimler: Get him out of the fucking water!

Steve Zissou: [shouting] Check the scanning monitor!

Klaus Daimler: Steve!

[Klaus jumps into the water to get Steve, still wearing all of his normal clothes and not bothering to take his shoes off]

Steve Zissou: [shouting] Esteban! Esteban! Esteban!

[Hennessey is playing poker with Filipinos who have kidnapped him and Zissou bursts into the room accidentally]

Alistair Hennessey: Steven, are you rescuing me?

[pause]

Alistair Hennessey: Fold.

[a pirate quickly shoots Hennessey in the chest, knocking him backwards in his chair and down to the floor - large gunfight begins]

Steve Zissou: We'll split into two groups. I'll take Ned, Ogata, and Wolodarsky.

Klaus Daimler: [pouting] Thanks. Thanks a lot for not picking me.

Anne-Marie Sakowitz: Do you know that you just charted us on a course through unprotected waters?

Steve Zissou: Yeah, we're taking the shortcut.

Anne-Marie Sakowitz: But it's outside I.M.U. jurisdiction. There isn't any protection.

Steve Zissou: I know, honey. Look at the map. We go your way, that's about four inches. We go my way, it's an inch and a half. You wanna pay for the extra gas?

Steve Zissou: We're in the middle of a lightning strike rescue op, Klaus. What's the deal?

Klaus Daimler: I'm sick of being on "B" squad.

Steve Zissou: You might be on "B" Squad, But you're the "B" Squad leader. Don't you know me and Esteban always thought of you as our baby brother?

Klaus Daimler: I've always thought of you two as my dads. Please don't let any one make fun of me for saying so.

Steve Zissou: I can't guarantee that, Klausie, but I'll try. Can we get on with the maneuvers now?

Steve Zissou: I'm going to find it and I'm going to destroy it. I don't know how yet. Possibly with dynamite.

Steve Zissou: [referring to his wife Eleanor] She's a rich bitch; she was raised by maids.

Eleanor Zissou: Your cat's dead.

Steve Zissou: What? Which one?

Eleanor Zissou: Marmalade. I'm sorry.

[lighting cigarette]

Steve Zissou: What happened?

Eleanor Zissou: A rattlesnake bit it in the throat.

Steve Zissou: [pause] Goddammit, Elanor, why do have to say it like that? You couldn't try to break it a little bit nicer?

Steve Zissou: Anne-Marie, do all the interns get Glocks?

Anne-Marie Sakowitz: No, they all share one.

Steve Zissou: [talking about two men who were talking about him] People say that when someone says something like that, it's because they're jealous. But it still hurts. It hurts bad.

Ned Plimpton: That man was damn rude. He can go straight to hell.

Ned Plimpton: I'm gonna fight you, Steve.

[Steve hits Ned in the face]

Steve Zissou: You never say, "I'm gonna fight you, Steve." You just smile and act natural, and then you sucker-punch him.

Ned Plimpton: You fight your way, and I'll fight mine.

Steve Zissou: Oh, listen, Ned. Don't you try to...

[Ned hits Steve in the face]

Steve Zissou: I think your Team Zissou ring might've caught me on the lip.

Oseary Drakoulias: The wire transfer came straight through from Kentucky, and the bank has agreed to gap-finance the rest. But there are a few hooks on it, so take a pew for a spell. Number One, the bank want a drug screen for everybody on the boat, before they'll forward the money.

Steve Zissou: A piss test?

Oseary Drakoulias: Yes, a piss test. Two, a stooge from the bond company will be riding along during the whole shoot, to keep you on budget.

Steve Zissou: Who's the stooge?

Oseary Drakoulias: A chap by the name of Bill Ubell, and there's not a damn thing you can do about that, Steve. Three, you must swear - legally swear - that you will not kill that shark, or whatever it is, if it actually exists.

Steve Zissou: I'm going to fight it, but I'll let it live. What about my dynamite?

Oseary Drakoulias: [to assistant] Phillip, dynamite.

[Jane finds Steve in her room, reading her diary]

Jane Winslett-Richardson: I'm going to have to start locking my effing door.

Steve Zissou: It was locked, I kicked it in. Why don't you just curse like other people?

Jane Winslett-Richardson: Because I'm trying to get out of the habit before I have my fucking baby!

[after chasing the pirates away, Steve finds a three-legged dog on the deck]

Steve Zissou: Those fucking amateurs. You left your dog, you idiots!

Steve Zissou: You know I'm not big on apologizing. So I'll just skip it if it's all the same to you.

Eleanor Zissou: Okay.

Steve Zissou: Anyway, I'm sorry.

Steve Zissou: Where'd you come from? You look pregnant.

Jane Winslett-Richardson: I am pregnant. I'm not even going to ask what you men are doing out here in your matching pajamas, by the way.

[during the rescue op, Steve sees a young Filipino boy sitting on the beach, roasting a crab on a spit. He raises his spear gun]

Bill Ubell: No, Captain! That's Cedric. He's a friend.

Steve Zissou: Merci, Cedric. Remind me, we'll send him a red cap and a Speedo.

Ned Plimpton: [introducing himself] Captain Zissou my name is Ned Plimpton...

Steve Zissou: [congratulating him] OK, man.

Jane Winslett-Richardson: [fearing the Jaguar Shark might attack them in their sub] Are we-are we safe in here?

Steve Zissou: I doubt it.

Klaus Daimler: Who the shit is Kingsley Zissou?

Jane Winslett-Richardson: May I turn this on?

Steve Zissou: [bites into an apple] Fire one.

Jane Winslett-Richardson: [Jane begins recording the interview] So what happened, in your opinion?

Steve Zissou: [swallows the bite] ... what're you talking about?

Jane Winslett-Richardson: Well, don't you think the public perception of your work has significantly altered in the last five years?

Steve Zissou: - That's your first question? I thought this was supposed to be a puff piece.

Jane Winslett-Richardson: ...should we come back to it?

Steve Zissou: ...yeah.

Jane Winslett-Richardson: Okay... Is it true that this is going to be your last voyage?

Steve Zissou: Wow... no comment. Who told you that? No, goddamnit, I'm... only 52. How-how 'bout we start out with some stock dialogue? Favorite color, blue? Favorite food, sardines?

Jane Winslett-Richardson: How do you feel about part one of your new film?

Steve Zissou: Why? How do you feel about part one of my new film?

Jane Winslett-Richardson: Well, I'm honest. You know, so...

Steve Zissou: - Just say it!

Jane Winslett-Richardson: I thought aspects of it seemed slightly fake.

Steve Zissou: [pauses, obviously enraged] ... Wolodarsky?...

Vladimir Wolodarsky: [getting up to leave, gathering the cat] ... I'll take five, Steve.

Steve Zissou: ...how 'bout taking five?

[the door closes]

Steve Zissou: ... did it seem fake... when my best friend was bitten in half right in front of me? And eaten alive, screaming? I think you're a fake. I think you're a phony. And a bad reporter. How does that feel? And tell me something -

[Steve pulls out a glock and points it at her, cocking it]

Steve Zissou: Does this seem fake?

[He replaces the glock]

Jane Winslett-Richardson: ...how dare you! This entire article was my idea, no one else gives a shit!

Steve Zissou: What about Sy Perlman?

Jane Winslett-Richardson: [scoffs, and turns off the recorder] Are you joking? He's not even covering my expenses!

Steve Zissou: [pauses for a moment, realizing] You're taking something out on me.

Jane Winslett-Richardson: [turns off the recorder again, turns away and cries]

Steve Zissou: Wh? Stop crying, what's the deal here? I was only trying to defend myself.

Jane Winslett-Richardson: Well, you did a great job! I'm sure you'll make a terrific father.

Steve Zissou: Can you hear the Jack Whales singing?

Ned Plimpton: [Tanker goes off] Beautiful. I wonder what they're saying.

Steve Zissou: Well actually that's a Sludge Tanker over there...

[Several whales sing]

Steve Zissou: There you go!

Alistair Hennessey: How are things going with your - what are you calling it? Leopard fish?

Steve Zissou: Jaguar shark.

Alistair Hennessey: Jaguar shark! So tell me - does it really exist?

Steve Zissou: [hesitant] You know, Allie, I don't want to give away the ending.

Alistair Hennessey: [about the pirates' three-legged dog, who is whining] Uh, what's your dog's name?

Steve Zissou: [thinks a moment] Cody.

[Alistair rolls up a newspaper, and hits the dog with it]

Alistair Hennessey: Be still, Cody.

Steve Zissou: Are you sure?

Klaus Daimler: Yes, I am.

Steve Zissou: I don't understand. Why?

Klaus Daimler: What do you mean?... Wait a second. What are we doing? You said cross the line if.

Steve Zissou: Cross the line if you're going to quit.

Klaus Daimler: Oh... Do it again. I misunderstood.

Eleanor Zissou: Oh, Shit. What do you want?

Steve Zissou: Do you mind if I butter you up a little before I answer that question?

Eleanor Zissou: Yes, I do. Tell me now.

Steve Zissou: [takes a deep breath] I need some money to get the boat out of hock and rescue my bond company stooge who got kidnapped. Could we ask your parents to loan it to me?

Eleanor Zissou: No.

Steve Zissou: Okay. Could I go ahead and butter you up anyway? It took me two and a half hours to get out here.

Steve Zissou: If you're not against me, don't cross this line! If yes, do.

[while robbing Alistair Hennessey's underwater sea-lab]

Vladimir Wolodarsky: Steve, one of the interns just fell down the stairs with the main tracking processor.

Steve Zissou: All right, just make sure we steal the backup.

Anne-Marie Sakowitz: I think it's criminal that Steve allowed this to happen, by which I mean illegal. We're being led on an illegal suicide mission by a selfish maniac.

Klaus Daimler: I hear what you're saying, but I think you misjudge the guy.

Steve Zissou: If we don't handle this right, we're gonna all get murdered... including her unborn British child.

Steve Zissou: You know I'm not good at apologizing, so I'll just skip it if it's all the same to you.

Steve Zissou: You really think it's cool for you to hit the sauce with a bun in the oven?

Klaus Daimler: So, you really think you're a Zissou.

Ned Plimpton: I don't know.

Klaus Daimler: Well, you traveled a long way for "I don't know," sonny.

Ned Plimpton: That's true. But it's important to me.

Klaus Daimler: Yeah? Well, there are a lot of things that are important to some people around here, sonny.

Ned Plimpton: Klaus, don't call me "sonny."

Klaus Daimler: And one more thing: It's the Steve Zissou show, not the Ned show.

[Klaus slaps Ned in the face]

Klaus Daimler: You hear me?

Ned Plimpton: Yes, I do.

[Klaus starts walking away]

Ned Plimpton: Klaus?

Klaus Daimler: Ja?

Ned Plimpton: If you ever touch me again, I will kick your goddamn teeth out. Is *that* understood?

Klaus Daimler: Not if I don't see you first, sonny.

[Steve opens the safe which contained Ned's inheritance money, but finds it to be empty, with a hole burned on the other side]

Steve Zissou: That's it. I'm retired.

Steve Zissou: I wanted to give you a heads-up on what I thought of the piece...

Jane Winslett-Richardson: You read it. What did you think?

Steve Zissou: Well, I was a little upset at first. I mean, obviously people are going to think I'm a showboat, and a little bit of a prick. But then I thought... that's me. I said those things, I did those things. I can live with that. You're a good writer, Jane.

Jane Winslett-Richardson: It's the effing cover.

Steve Zissou: Thatta girl.

Alistair Hennessey: I'm so pissed I want to spit!

Jane Winslett-Richardson: [about her baby] In twelve years, he'll be eleven and a half.

Steve Zissou: [pause] That was my favorite age.

Steve Zissou: This bull dyke's got something against us.

Ned Plimpton: I don't think she's a lesbian. She's pregnant.

Alistair Hennessey: You're the most ravishing creature that I've ever seen in my life.

Eleanor Zissou: Hello Skinny.

Alistair Hennessey: Hello Eleanor.

Eleanor Zissou: Is that a new merit badge?

Alistair Hennessey: Oh, yeah, as a matter of fact it is. I just became a Knight in Portugal, the Presidente gave a special ball...

Steve Zissou: Don't be nice to Ali, he's my nemesis.

[arriving at Alistair Hennessey's underwater sea-lab]

Ned Plimpton: Who locked us out?

Anne-Marie Sakowitz: No-one, we're trespassing.

Ned Plimpton: Steve, are we allowed in here?

Steve Zissou: It's a scientific community, man.

[on the lightning-strike rescue op, Team Zissou looks at the ruin of Hotel Citroën]

Steve Zissou: What a waste. They had a bartender here, Kino, made the best rum cannonball I've ever tasted.

Eleanor Zissou: How are you feeling?

Steve Zissou: I'm right on the edge. I don't know what comes next.

Steve Zissou: I hope you're not gonna bust our chops on this on, Bill.

Bill Ubell: Why would I do that?

Steve Zissou: Because you're a bond company stooge.

Bill Ubell: [scoffs] I'm also a human being.

Steve Zissou: All right, I take that back. How about a little teamsmanship?

[he holds out his hand flat. Bill and Ned put theirs on top of his]

Steve Zissou, Bill Ubell, Ned Plimpton: Ho!

Steve Zissou: [referring to the shark that ate his friend, Esteban] I wonder if it remembers me.

Ned Plimpton: You don't know me, you don't want to know me... I'm just a character in your stupid film.

Jane Winslett-Richardson: I need to find a baby for this father.

Steve Zissou: Yeah, I think I know what you mean.

Steve Zissou: We were pretty good while we lasted, weren't we?

Oseary Drakoulias: Oh, we were like glory's gate, my darling. We were like that bloody shark of yours, we swam with the... oh, damn it, I had it on the plane.

Antonia Cook: You must be so excited.

Steve Zissou: I hope so. You think it went OK?

Antonia Cook: No. Congratulations... Seriously.

Steve Zissou: Thanks. I wish it didn't require the "seriously," but thank you.

Steve Zissou: You know, I'd be jealous about you staying at Allie's place, except I always thought he was kind of a closet queer.

Steve Zissou: That pregnant slut is playing us like a cheap fiddle!

[Vikram is filming Steve next to a screen with the homing dart signal indicating the location of the Jaguar Shark]

Steve Zissou: Okay, action.

[points to the dot]

Steve Zissou: Well, look who's back in town. You've traveled over 150 miles since we last heard from you. This son of a bitch is heading for the South Pacific.

[Jane enters the room]

Steve Zissou: Turn on your tape recorder, cubbie.

Jane Winslett-Richardson: Is it the Jaguar Shark?

Steve Zissou: On the record, yes. Cut. Print both takes, Vikram.

Jane Winslett-Richardson: Was I... just in the film?

Steve Zissou: Yeah. You're gonna have to sign a release.

Steve Zissou: Hey intern, get me a Campari.

Intern #1: On the rocks?

Steve Zissou: [gives him the "gun" thumbs up salute]

Steve Zissou: [pulling a gun on Jane Winslett-Richardson] Does this seem fake?

Steve Zissou: Holy shit son of a bitch.

Steve Zissou: No, I dropped my camera... Why are they laughing?

Steve Zissou: We complete the adventure... but another member of our crew has been lost. This one was my son.

[pointing to "N" on the flag]

Steve Zissou: Also our equity partner... We start the voyage home in our wounded vessel.

[on a speaker-phone]

Oseary Drakoulias: I spoke with Larry Amin, and it's a pass.

Steve Zissou: In other words, you fucked us!

Oseary Drakoulias: Let's not cast stones at one another, my dear.

[suddenly mad]

Oseary Drakoulias: Do you hear me, damn it? Do you?

Steve Zissou: No, I don't! I told you how to play it!

Oseary Drakoulias: Oh, bloody hell! You listen here, mate!

Ned Plimpton: Can I interrupt for a second?

Oseary Drakoulias: Who the blazes is that?

Ned Plimpton: It's me, Ned. Maybe this is nothing, maybe it's something. I don't know what your problems are, I don't know... but I just inherited $275,000. Would that amount make any difference?

[silence]

Oseary Drakoulias: What sort of expression is the lad wearing on his face?

Bill Ubell: Captain, I am required by law to notify the bank of any illegal activities...

Steve Zissou: Just do what you gotta do to cover your ass, Bill.

Alistair Hennessey: They made soup out of my research turtles.

Vladimir Wolodarsky: [talking about Jane] I like her hairdo.

Pelé dos Santos: Me too, but Steve called her first.

[On the phone, Oseary tells Steve that he has to flee the country]

Steve Zissou: Wait a second. They ripped off my film, my boat's broken, you're ditching me down the river... what am I supposed to do?

Oseary Drakoulias: Well, I must say, nothing's leaping to mind. Phillip, any ideas?

[pause]

Oseary Drakoulias: No, he's shaking his head.

Steve Zissou: Fuck! They wired it! Klaus, go downstairs and get me cable snippers.

Steve Zissou: It's a documentary! It's all really happening!

Alistair Hennessey: Is that one of mine? I think one of my research turtles survived.

Steve Zissou: Sorry about that. You caught me with one foot off the merry-go-round tonight.

Steve Zissou: Would you like to join my crew?

Ned Plimpton: Would I like to...

Steve Zissou: I want you, on Team Zissou.

Ned Plimpton: I don't think I can do that.

Steve Zissou: Why not?

Ned Plimpton: Well, it's not my field, I don't have the background for it.

Steve Zissou: No one here does. Klaus used to be a bus driver, Wolodarsky was a high school substitute teacher. We're a pack of strays, don't you get it?

Ned Plimpton: Steve I'm not even that strong a swimmer,

[pause]

Ned Plimpton: the answer's yes.

Steve Zissou: Well it's got to be. I'll order you a red cap and a speedo.

[to Klaus]

Steve Zissou: Cut.

Steve Zissou: Not this one, Klaus.

Steve Zissou: Go downstairs and throw a tarp over anything that says "Operation Henessey" on it.

Klaus Daimler: Are you two fighting?

Steve Zissou: I'll deal with you later.

Steve Zissou: [to Ogata and Pele] What are you doing? Go to bed, you sons of bitches!

Steve Zissou: You're supposed to be my son, right?

Ned Plimpton: I don't know. But I did want meet you, just in case.

Steve Zissou: I'll fight it, but I won't kill it. Now, what about my dynamite?

Steve Zissou: [before a helicopter crash] This is gonna hurt.

Steve Zissou: Are you finding what you were looking for... out here with me? I hope so.

Steve Zissou: [smoking a joint and looks at Ned] You wanna kill this?

Steve Zissou: [overhears a few men talking about Steve's last movie] Are those assholes talking about me?

Steve Zissou: [introducing his 'son' Ned to Oseary Drakoulias only a few seconds after Steve himself met Ned] Oseary, this is probably my son Ned.

[first lines]

[in Italian]

Festival Director: Ladies and gentlemen, we are very pleased to welcome you to the world premiere of Part 1 of the newest film from a great favorite of ours here at Loquasto, Mr. Steve Zissou. A brief Q & A will immediately follow the screening. Thank you.

Steve Zissou: [after pirates have boarded his ship, being bound and blindfolded]

[starts chewing through the rope binding his hands together]

Steve Zissou: Here we go.

Klaus Daimler: Steve, what are you doing?

Steve Zissou: [stands up and turns toward the nearest pirate] I said get your ass the hell off of my boat!

[on a walkie-talkie during the rescue op]

Steve Zissou: Renzo! Renzo! Anybody? Hello, hello!

[tosses it to Wolodarsky]

Steve Zissou: This gizmo's out of juice.

[Wolodarsky listens to it for a second, then smashes it to the ground]

Steve Zissou: Thank you.

Steve Zissou: I've never seen a bond company stooge stick his neck out like that.

Steve Zissou: [refering to Hennessy] How could you lay that slick faggot?

Eleanor Zissou: Well, I was in love with him at the time...

Oseary Drakoulias: Good lord. God protect that poor little stooge.

Oseary Drakoulias: By the way, who knocked up the journalist?

Steve Zissou: [Deadpan] I'm not sure...

Steve Zissou: I don't have a problem with objective reporting. What I have a problem with is some wombat... coming on my boat trying to railroad me.

Steve Zissou: [Pulls Ned Plimpton aside to speak with him in private] Ned, next time you have a brilliant idea, whisper it to me first. Otherwise I look sort of like a Day-Dream-Johnny, you know.

Steve Zissou: I let you call me Stevesy, didn't I?

Ned Plimpton: Yeah, but it doesn't mean the same thing...

Oseary Drakoulias: We're a dying breed.

Steve Zissou: [Speaking to his wife] Anyway, I'm sorry. I know I haven't been my best this past decade.

Steve Zissou: I'll order you a red hat and a bikini.

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