Podcast 44: Galaxy Quest (1999)

January 12, 2022 Jon S Movies, Podcasting 01:22:2578MB 0 Comments
Galaxy Quest

The 3 Guys Podcast

Recorded on 1/06/2022

This week we become 3 Guys and a Chick as we are joined on the mic by our friend Jill.  In this podcast episode we review the movie Galaxy Quest (Released 1999) starring Tim Allen, Sigourney Weaver, Alan Rickman, Tony Shalhoub, Sam Rockwell, Daryl Mitchell, Enrico Colantoni, Robin Sachs and Justin Long. 
WARNING: There will be SPOILERS!

The 3 Guys Rating

3.2/5
Galaxy Quest Blu Ray

Interested in checking out the movie on Blue-ray? Click on the link below.

Galaxy Quest Blu-Ray

Galaxy Quest: The Inside Story (Hardcover)

The essential guide to Galaxy Quest! Behind-the-scenes stories and cast interviews from the critically acclaimed science fiction comedy and all-time top fan favorite.

Galaxy Quest Book

Notes From The Show

  • Quick Synopsis

  • Released: December 25, 1999

    Directed By:   Dean Parisot

    Screenplay By:  David Howard, Robert Gordon

    Story By: David Howard

    Based On: Star Trek

    Stars:   Tim Allen (Jason Nesmith), Sigourney Weaver (Gwen DeMarco), Alan Rickman (Alexander Dane), Tony Shalhoub (Fred Kwan), Sam Rockwell (Guy Fleegman), Daryl Mitchell (Tommy Webber), Enrico Colantoni (Mathesar), Robin Sachs (Sarris), Justin Long (Brandon)

    Plot:  The alumni cast of a space opera television series have to play their roles as the real thing when an alien race needs their help. However, they also have to defend both Earth and the alien race from a reptilian warlord.

    How did this movie do
    Budget: $45 Million
    Box office: $91 Million

  • Casting

    • Although Alan Rickman hated sci-fi as a genre, he could not resist taking part in this film as he found the material very funny.

    • Harold Ramis wanted to cast Alec Baldwin in the lead role, which he turned down. Steve Martin and Kevin Kline were considered, though Kline turned it down for family reasons. When Tim Allen was cast, Ramis left the project. After seeing the film, Ramis said he was ultimately impressed with Allen’s performance.

    • The filmmakers initially refused to consider Sigourney Weaver for the role of Gwen DeMarco/Tawny Madison, because they didn’t want any famous sci-fi actors in the movie.

    • Tony Shalhoub originally auditioned for Guy Fleegman, but Sam Rockwell won the role, and Shalhoub was cast as Fred Kwan instead.

    • Paul Rudd auditioned for a role, while David Alan Grier was the second choice for Tommy Webber, and Jennifer Coolidge for Laliar.

  • Star Trek References

    • During the fight with the rock monster, Commander Taggart loses his shirt. This is a clear nod to Star Trek: The Original Series (1966) main hero Captain Kirk, who mysteriously lost his shirt in nearly every hand-to-hand fight.

    • In the audio commentary for Star Trek (2009), director J.J. Abrams says “By the way, I think we’ve all gone on record as saying one of our favorite ‘Trek’ films is ‘Galaxy Quest’. And this sequence [where Kirk and Sulu are falling toward Vulcan without a parachute] is clearly an homage to Tony Shalhoub’s great save in that film.”

    • The N.S.E.A. Protector’s serial number is NTE-3120. N.T.E. stands for Not the Enterprise.

    • Tim Allen performs several classic James Kirk mannerisms through the course of the film, most notably the classic thinking position while seated in his command chair on the bridge.

    • The design of the N.S.E.A. Protector is based on a Star Trek comm-badge.

    • The design of the N.S.E.A. Protector is the U.S.S. Enterprise in reverse. Each of the Enterprises have a round command section and long cylindrical engines. The Protector has a long cylindrical command section and round engines.

    • Tim Allen’s appearance, especially his haircut and squared off sideburns, was closely modeled on William Shatner’s appearance in Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979). Also his character’s lack of trust with the digital conveyor’s technology is reminiscent of Doctor McCoy’s comments on the theory behind transporter technology in the same film.

    • When the crew are eating aboard the ship, they are told that the food has been prepared based on their regional cuisine. Commander Taggart comments that the steak tastes like corn-fed Iowa Beef. This seems like a subtle reference to the fact that Captain James T. Kirk is from Iowa.

    • The main characters are clearly based on the main cast members of Star Trek: The Original Series (1966) – Jason Nesmith is obviously William Shatner; Gwen DeMarco is Nichelle Nichols; Alexander Dane is Leonard Nimoy with a little Patrick Stewart (the classically trained thespian who resents being best known for a sci-fi role); Fred Kwan is a mixture of James Doohan and Walter Koenig (an actor playing a fake nationality), though his easygoing attitude is from Doohan and DeForest Kelley; and Tommy Webber is a mixture of George Takei and Wil Wheaton, being a young ethnic minority being the helmsman.

    • At the film’s ending just before the opening credits for the new Galaxy Quest series, the announcer says “Now back after 18 years, the New Adventures of Galaxy Quest”. Star Trek: The Original Series (1966) was cancelled in 1969 and Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987) premiered in 1987, also 18 years later. The new upcoming series Star Trek: Picard (2020) will continue the adventures of Star Trek: The Next Generation, 18 years after Star Trek: Nemesis (2002) (The final TNG film) premiered in theaters.

  • Trivia

    • Sigourney Weaver compared Galaxy Quest to Wizard of Oz. The characters were transported to a new place and each came back changed with something they needed.

    • Original title of the movie was Captain Sunshine.

    • Alan Rickman (Alexander Dane) was originally scripted to be the big bad.

    • Original script was much more slapstick, similar to Spaceballs.

    • The scene when Tim Allen is in a men’s room overhearing how the cast of Galaxy Quest are nobodies and all the co-stars can’t stand him mirrors an actual event in William Shatner’s life. He discovered the exact same things about himself when he attended a 1986 convention.

    • Tim Allen admitted that he was quite star-struck when he met Sigourney Weaver, as he’s a huge fan of Alien (1979). Allen even got Weaver to sign some of his Alien memorabilia between takes. She ultimately did, writing “Stolen by Tim Allen; Love, Sigourney Weaver”, which she said made him very upset.

    • Director Dean Parisot and star Tim Allen have revealed in interviews that the original tone of the film was much darker, with more scenes of violence. After test screenings, the film was recut to emphasize the comedy and obtain a PG rating.

    • This film was one of the earliest to have its own domain name and website, GalaxyQuest.com (now available only via Wayback archive). However, rather than being a polished part of the film’s marketing campaign, the site (in keeping with the film’s fandom theme) was deliberately designed to look like a fan page, with screen captures and poor HTML coding.

    • Sam Rockwell based his portrayal on Bill Paxton’s performance in James Cameron’s classic Aliens (1986). In particular, his elevated fear of being killed, and his mental collapse upon seeing a motion detector that shows their enemy closing in on them.

    • According to writer David Howard, the continuous melodic yet monotone voice of Thermian commander Mathesar was an original idea that Enrico Colantoni brought to the character. Everyone on the set loved this so much, they keep this in the film.

    • There were plans to release a sequel, but the sudden death of Alan Rickman on January 14, 2016 brought this to an end.

    • Sigourney Weaver said that whenever she put on the blonde wig to become Gwen DeMarco, “I could feel my I.Q. drop precipitously.”

    • William Shatner has seen this film and apparently enjoyed the film. He has said how jealous he was that this production was allowed to introduce rock monsters ten years after Paramount Studios refused to let him include them in Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989) due to budgetary issues. He also jokingly said that he had “no idea who Tim Allen was supposed to be portraying but he did recognize someone playing the Nichelle Nichols character”.

    • The evil warlord Sarris was named for film critic Andrew Sarris, who once trashed producer Mark Johnson’s The Natural (1984). Sarris’ metal eye-patch mimics that worn by General Chang (Christopher Plummer) in Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991).

    • Sigourney Weaver’s character Gwen DeMarco/Tawny Madison is heavily based on Erin Gray’s character Colonel Wilma Deering from Buck Rogers in the 25th Century (1979). During that series’ first season, Gray was often shown in sexy skintight catsuits and had been asked to dye her brunette hair honey blonde.

    • The weapons used by Sarris’ boarding party are quite similar to those used by Zorg’s fighters from the set of The Fifth Element (1997) filmed two years prior. It’s not uncommon for some props in all types of films to be sold off and/or rented for other productions.

    • The tear-drop-shaped formations in the background when the ship is taking off from a rocky planet are based on Roger Dean’s cover for the live album “Yessongs” (1973) by the rock band Yes.

    • There is an oft-repeated claim that some Americans in the late 1960s, believing that the sitcom Gilligan’s Island (1964) was a true story, attempted to organize a rescue for the castaways. A moment in this film lampoons that story by having the Thermians believe the show was true.

    • This film, like many others, borrows plot elements from Seven Samurai (1954).

    • When they use the Omega 13 device, almost a minute passes before the activation, so the Omega 13 must go back a full minute, not 13 seconds, as suggested by Brandon Weegar. However, the events during General Sarris’ attack are mostly depicted in slow motion, so the total time could be 13 seconds.

    • Main Tagline: Never give up, never surrender!

    • The alien love story was thanks to veteran director Steven Spielberg. When Spielberg visited the set, he liked Missi Pyle’s characterization of Laliari so much that he suggested she should be given a larger role, so the romance with Fred Kwan was added.

Released: December 25, 1999

Directed By:   Dean Parisot

Screenplay By:  David Howard, Robert Gordon

Story By: David Howard

Based On: Star Trek

Stars:   Tim Allen (Jason Nesmith), Sigourney Weaver (Gwen DeMarco), Alan Rickman (Alexander Dane), Tony Shalhoub (Fred Kwan), Sam Rockwell (Guy Fleegman), Daryl Mitchell (Tommy Webber), Enrico Colantoni (Mathesar), Robin Sachs (Sarris), Justin Long (Brandon)

Plot:  The alumni cast of a space opera television series have to play their roles as the real thing when an alien race needs their help. However, they also have to defend both Earth and the alien race from a reptilian warlord.

How did this movie do
Budget: $45 Million
Box office: $91 Million

  • Although Alan Rickman hated sci-fi as a genre, he could not resist taking part in this film as he found the material very funny.

  • Harold Ramis wanted to cast Alec Baldwin in the lead role, which he turned down. Steve Martin and Kevin Kline were considered, though Kline turned it down for family reasons. When Tim Allen was cast, Ramis left the project. After seeing the film, Ramis said he was ultimately impressed with Allen’s performance.

  • The filmmakers initially refused to consider Sigourney Weaver for the role of Gwen DeMarco/Tawny Madison, because they didn’t want any famous sci-fi actors in the movie.

  • Tony Shalhoub originally auditioned for Guy Fleegman, but Sam Rockwell won the role, and Shalhoub was cast as Fred Kwan instead.

  • Paul Rudd auditioned for a role, while David Alan Grier was the second choice for Tommy Webber, and Jennifer Coolidge for Laliar.
  • During the fight with the rock monster, Commander Taggart loses his shirt. This is a clear nod to Star Trek: The Original Series (1966) main hero Captain Kirk, who mysteriously lost his shirt in nearly every hand-to-hand fight.

  • In the audio commentary for Star Trek (2009), director J.J. Abrams says “By the way, I think we’ve all gone on record as saying one of our favorite ‘Trek’ films is ‘Galaxy Quest’. And this sequence [where Kirk and Sulu are falling toward Vulcan without a parachute] is clearly an homage to Tony Shalhoub’s great save in that film.”

  • The N.S.E.A. Protector’s serial number is NTE-3120. N.T.E. stands for Not the Enterprise.

  • Tim Allen performs several classic James Kirk mannerisms through the course of the film, most notably the classic thinking position while seated in his command chair on the bridge.

  • The design of the N.S.E.A. Protector is based on a Star Trek comm-badge.

  • The design of the N.S.E.A. Protector is the U.S.S. Enterprise in reverse. Each of the Enterprises have a round command section and long cylindrical engines. The Protector has a long cylindrical command section and round engines.

  • Tim Allen’s appearance, especially his haircut and squared off sideburns, was closely modeled on William Shatner’s appearance in Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979). Also his character’s lack of trust with the digital conveyor’s technology is reminiscent of Doctor McCoy’s comments on the theory behind transporter technology in the same film.

  • When the crew are eating aboard the ship, they are told that the food has been prepared based on their regional cuisine. Commander Taggart comments that the steak tastes like corn-fed Iowa Beef. This seems like a subtle reference to the fact that Captain James T. Kirk is from Iowa.

  • The main characters are clearly based on the main cast members of Star Trek: The Original Series (1966) – Jason Nesmith is obviously William Shatner; Gwen DeMarco is Nichelle Nichols; Alexander Dane is Leonard Nimoy with a little Patrick Stewart (the classically trained thespian who resents being best known for a sci-fi role); Fred Kwan is a mixture of James Doohan and Walter Koenig (an actor playing a fake nationality), though his easygoing attitude is from Doohan and DeForest Kelley; and Tommy Webber is a mixture of George Takei and Wil Wheaton, being a young ethnic minority being the helmsman.

  • At the film’s ending just before the opening credits for the new Galaxy Quest series, the announcer says “Now back after 18 years, the New Adventures of Galaxy Quest”. Star Trek: The Original Series (1966) was cancelled in 1969 and Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987) premiered in 1987, also 18 years later. The new upcoming series Star Trek: Picard (2020) will continue the adventures of Star Trek: The Next Generation, 18 years after Star Trek: Nemesis (2002) (The final TNG film) premiered in theaters.
  • Sigourney Weaver compared Galaxy Quest to Wizard of Oz. The characters were transported to a new place and each came back changed with something they needed.

  • Original title of the movie was Captain Sunshine.

  • Alan Rickman (Alexander Dane) was originally scripted to be the big bad.

  • Original script was much more slapstick, similar to Spaceballs.

  • The scene when Tim Allen is in a men’s room overhearing how the cast of Galaxy Quest are nobodies and all the co-stars can’t stand him mirrors an actual event in William Shatner’s life. He discovered the exact same things about himself when he attended a 1986 convention.

  • Tim Allen admitted that he was quite star-struck when he met Sigourney Weaver, as he’s a huge fan of Alien (1979). Allen even got Weaver to sign some of his Alien memorabilia between takes. She ultimately did, writing “Stolen by Tim Allen; Love, Sigourney Weaver”, which she said made him very upset.

  • Director Dean Parisot and star Tim Allen have revealed in interviews that the original tone of the film was much darker, with more scenes of violence. After test screenings, the film was recut to emphasize the comedy and obtain a PG rating.

  • This film was one of the earliest to have its own domain name and website, GalaxyQuest.com (now available only via Wayback archive). However, rather than being a polished part of the film’s marketing campaign, the site (in keeping with the film’s fandom theme) was deliberately designed to look like a fan page, with screen captures and poor HTML coding.

  • Sam Rockwell based his portrayal on Bill Paxton’s performance in James Cameron’s classic Aliens (1986). In particular, his elevated fear of being killed, and his mental collapse upon seeing a motion detector that shows their enemy closing in on them.

  • According to writer David Howard, the continuous melodic yet monotone voice of Thermian commander Mathesar was an original idea that Enrico Colantoni brought to the character. Everyone on the set loved this so much, they keep this in the film.

  • There were plans to release a sequel, but the sudden death of Alan Rickman on January 14, 2016 brought this to an end.

  • Sigourney Weaver said that whenever she put on the blonde wig to become Gwen DeMarco, “I could feel my I.Q. drop precipitously.”

  • William Shatner has seen this film and apparently enjoyed the film. He has said how jealous he was that this production was allowed to introduce rock monsters ten years after Paramount Studios refused to let him include them in Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989) due to budgetary issues. He also jokingly said that he had “no idea who Tim Allen was supposed to be portraying but he did recognize someone playing the Nichelle Nichols character”.

  • The evil warlord Sarris was named for film critic Andrew Sarris, who once trashed producer Mark Johnson’s The Natural (1984). Sarris’ metal eye-patch mimics that worn by General Chang (Christopher Plummer) in Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991).

  • Sigourney Weaver’s character Gwen DeMarco/Tawny Madison is heavily based on Erin Gray’s character Colonel Wilma Deering from Buck Rogers in the 25th Century (1979). During that series’ first season, Gray was often shown in sexy skintight catsuits and had been asked to dye her brunette hair honey blonde.

  • The weapons used by Sarris’ boarding party are quite similar to those used by Zorg’s fighters from the set of The Fifth Element (1997) filmed two years prior. It’s not uncommon for some props in all types of films to be sold off and/or rented for other productions.

  • The tear-drop-shaped formations in the background when the ship is taking off from a rocky planet are based on Roger Dean’s cover for the live album “Yessongs” (1973) by the rock band Yes.

  • There is an oft-repeated claim that some Americans in the late 1960s, believing that the sitcom Gilligan’s Island (1964) was a true story, attempted to organize a rescue for the castaways. A moment in this film lampoons that story by having the Thermians believe the show was true.

  • This film, like many others, borrows plot elements from Seven Samurai (1954).

  • When they use the Omega 13 device, almost a minute passes before the activation, so the Omega 13 must go back a full minute, not 13 seconds, as suggested by Brandon Weegar. However, the events during General Sarris’ attack are mostly depicted in slow motion, so the total time could be 13 seconds.

  • Main Tagline: Never give up, never surrender!

  • The alien love story was thanks to veteran director Steven Spielberg. When Spielberg visited the set, he liked Missi Pyle’s characterization of Laliari so much that he suggested she should be given a larger role, so the romance with Fred Kwan was added.
Galaxy Quest T-Shirt

 

New Galaxy Quest Inspired Never Give Up Never Surrender Tee, Hoodie, Sweatshirt, Tank Top

About The Movie From IMDB

Galaxy Quest Adventure, Comedy, Sci-Fi | December 25, 1999 (United States) 7.3
Director: Dean ParisotWriter: David Howard, Robert GordonStars: Tim Allen, Sigourney Weaver, Alan RickmanSummary: The sci-fi television series "Galaxy Quest", which took place aboard the intergalactic spaceship NSEA Protector, starred Jason Nesmith as suave Commander Peter Quincy Taggart, Gwen DeMarco as sexy communications person Lt. Tawny Madison (a role which consisted solely of repeating what the computer stated, much to Gwen's chagrin), Shakespearean trained Sir Alexander Dane as alien Dr. Lazarus, Fred Kwan as engineer Tech Sergeant Chen, and Tommy Webber as child pilot Laredo. Eighteen years after the series last aired, it lives on in the hearts of its rabid fans. However, it lives on in infamy for its stars, who have not been able to find meaningful acting work since. Their current lives revolve around cashing in on however those roles will afford, which usually entails attending fan conventions or worse, such as electronic store openings. Only Jason seems to relish his lot in life, until he finds out that his co-stars detest him because of his superior attitude as "the Commander", and much of the public considers him a laughing stock. Their lives change when Jason is approached by who he thinks are convention fans asking for help. They are in reality an alien race called Thermians, led by Mathesar, who have modeled their existence after the series, which they believe to be real. When Jason and then the rest of his co-stars (along with Guy Fleegman, who was killed off before the opening credits in only one episode) go along with the Thermians, Jason's co-stars who believe they are off to yet another paying gig, they learn that they have to portray their roles for real. Without screenwriters to get them to a happy and heroic ending, they have to trust that their play acting will work, especially in dealing with the Thermians' nemesis, General Sarris. Guy in particular fears that he will go the way his character did on the series. But when they run across technical issues that they as actors didn't care anything about during the filming of the series and thus now don't know how to deal with, they need to find someone who should know what to do. —Huggo

Photos


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Videos


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Cast

Tim Allen
...
Jason Nesmith
Sigourney Weaver
...
Gwen DeMarco
Alan Rickman
...
Alexander Dane
Tony Shalhoub
...
Fred Kwan
Sam Rockwell
...
Guy Fleegman
Daryl Mitchell
...
Tommy Webber
Enrico Colantoni
...
Mathesar
Robin Sachs
...
Sarris
Patrick Breen
...
Quellek
Missi Pyle
...
Laliari
Jed Rees
...
Teb
Justin Long
...
Brandon
Jeremy Howard
...
Kyle
Kaitlin Cullum
...
Katelyn
Jonathan Feyer
...
Hollister
Corbin Bleu
...
Young Tommy
Wayne Pére
...
Lathe
Sam Lloyd
...
Neru

See full cast >>
Countries: United StatesLanguages: EnglishBudget: $45,000,000 (estimated)
Source: imdb.com
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7.3
Galaxy Quest Adventure, Comedy, Sci-Fi | December 25, 1999 (United States)
Director: Dean ParisotWriter: David Howard, Robert GordonStars: Tim Allen, Sigourney Weaver, Alan Rickman
Summary: The alumni cast of a space opera television series have to play their roles as the real thing when an alien race needs their help. However, they also have to defend both Earth and the alien ... Read all
Countries: United StatesLanguages: English
Source: imdb.comDisclaimer: This plugin has been coded to automatically quote data from imdb.com. Not available for any other purpose. All showing data have a link to imdb.com. The user is responsible for any other use or change codes.

Quotes

Sir Alexander Dane: By Grabthar's hammer, by the suns of Worvan, you shall be avenged.

Voice of Computer: Negative, there is no replacement Beryllium Sphere on board.

Gwen DeMarco: [to crew] No, there is no replacement Beryllium Sphere on board.

Tommy Webber: You know, that is really getting annoying!

Gwen DeMarco: [shouts] Look! I have one job on this lousy ship, it's *stupid*, but I'm gonna do it! Okay?

Tommy Webber: Sure, no problem.

Jason Nesmith: Never give up. Never surrender.

Gwen DeMarco: Whoever wrote this episode should DIE.

[Trying to explain TV to the Thermians]

Gwen DeMarco: They're not ALL "historical documents." Surely, you don't think Gilligan's Island is a...

[All the Thermians moan in despair]

Mathesar: Those poor people.

Guy Fleegman: I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm just "Crewman Number Six." I'm expendable. I'm the guy in the episode who dies to prove how serious the situation is. I've gotta get outta here.

[Quellek has been shot, and is dying. Alexander rushes to him]

Sir Alexander Dane: Quellek?

[sees Quellek's wound]

Sir Alexander Dane: That's not too bad. We'll get you to the medical quarters, and you'll be fine.

Quellek: It has been my greatest pleasure to serve with you. I have been blessed, Sir. I... I... I...

Sir Alexander Dane: Don't speak, Quellek.

Quellek: You'll forgive my impertinence, Sir, but even though we have never before met, I have always considered you as a father to me.

Sir Alexander Dane: Quellek... by Grabthar's hammer... by the Suns of Worvan... you shall be... avenged.

Gwen DeMarco: Let's get out of here before one of those things kills Guy.

[Gwen and Jason encounter the chompers]

Gwen DeMarco: What is this thing? I mean, it serves no useful purpose for there to be a bunch of chompy, crushy things in the middle of a hallway. No, I mean we shouldn't have to do this, it makes no logical sense, why is it here?

Jason Nesmith: 'Cause it's on the television show.

Gwen DeMarco: Well forget it! I'm not doing it! This episode was badly written!

Sir Alexander Dane: I see you've managed to get your shirt off.

Guy Fleegman: Did you guys ever WATCH the show?

Sir Alexander Dane: Could they be the miners?

Fred Kwan: Sure, they're like three years old.

Sir Alexander Dane: MINERS, not MINORS.

Fred Kwan: You lost me.

Brandon's Mom: Where are you going with all those fireworks?

Brandon: Well, the Protector got super-accelerated coming out of the black hole, and it, like, nailed the atmosphere at Mach 15, which, you guys know, is pretty unstable, obviously, so we're gonna help Laredo guide it on the the vox ultra-frequency carrier and use Roman candles for visual confirmation.

Brandon's Mom: Uh, all right, dinner's at seven.

[Brandon exits. Mom turns to a dubious Dad]

Brandon's Mom: Well, he's outside.

Sir Alexander Dane: You're just going to have to figure out what it wants. What is its motivation?

Jason Nesmith: It's a rock monster. It doesn't have motivation.

Sir Alexander Dane: See, that's your problem, Jason. You were never serious about the craft.

[the rock monster chases Nesmith]

Alexander Dane: You're just going to have to kill it.

Jason Nesmith: Kill it? Well, I'm open to any suggestions.

Tommy Webber: Go for the eyes, like in episode 22!

Jason Nesmith: He doesn't have any eyes, Tommy!

Tommy Webber: Go for the mouth, then, the throat, his vulnerable spots!

Jason Nesmith: It's a rock! It doesn't have any vulnerable spots!

Guy Fleegman: I know! You construct a weapon. Look around, can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe?

Sir Alexander Dane: [In disgust] By Grabthar's hammer... what a savings.

[Fred tries to digitize the pig-lizard with disastrous results]

Jason Nesmith: What? What was that?

Alexander Dane: Uh, nothing.

Jason Nesmith: I heard some squealing or something.

Gwen DeMarco: Oh, no. Everything's fine.

Teb: But the animal is inside out.

Jason Nesmith: I heard that! It turned inside out?

[the pig-lizard explodes]

Teb: And it exploded.

Jason Nesmith: Did I just hear that the animal turned inside out, and then it EXPLODED? Hello?

Gwen DeMarco: [Flipping a bit of pig-lizard off her communicator] Hold, please.

[after the Blue Creatures have eaten Limpy]

Jason Nesmith: Ok, here's the plan: first, Fred, we need a diversion to clear these things out of the compound, then Gwen, Alex, Fred and I go down to get the sphere. Any of those things come back Tommy, give a signal. Guy, you set up a perimeter.

Gwen DeMarco: Why does this sound so familiar?

Tommy Webber: "Assault on Voltarek III". Episode 81 I think.

Guy Fleegman: We're doing episode 81?

Tommy Webber: Whatever, the one with the hologram. The wall of fire.

Gwen DeMarco: How the hell is Fred supposed to project a hologram?

Guy Fleegman: We're doing episode 81, Jason?

Jason Nesmith: It doesn't have to be a hologram, just a diversion.

Guy Fleegman: Jason, are we doing episode 81 or not?

Jason Nesmith: It's a rough plan, Guy, what does it matter if we're doing episode 81 or not?

Guy Fleegman: BECAUSE I DIED... IN EPISODE 81!

Brandon Wheeger: I just wanted to tell you that I thought a lot about what you said.

Jason Nesmith: It's okay, now listen...

Brandon Wheeger: But I want you to know that I'm not a complete brain case, okay? I understand completely that it's just a TV show. I know there's no beryllium sphere...

Jason Nesmith: Hold it.

Brandon Wheeger: no digital conveyor, no ship...

Jason Nesmith: Stop for a second, stop. It's all real.

Brandon Wheeger: Oh my God, I knew it. I knew it! I knew it!

[the crew is on a shuttle descending to an alien planet]

Guy Fleegman: I changed my mind. I wanna go back.

Sir Alexander Dane: After the fuss you made about getting left behind?

Guy Fleegman: Yeah, but that's when I thought I was the crewman that stays on the ship, and something is up there, and it kills me. But now I'm thinking I'm the guy who gets killed by some monster five minutes after we land on the planet.

Jason Nesmith: You're not gonna die on the planet, Guy.

Guy Fleegman: I'm not? Then what's my last name?

Jason Nesmith: It's, uh, uh - -I don't know.

Guy Fleegman: Nobody knows. Do you know why? Because my character isn't important enough for a last name, because I'm gonna die five minutes in.

Gwen DeMarco: Guy, you have a last name.

Guy Fleegman: DO I? DO I? For all you know, I'm "Crewman Number Six"! Mommy... mommy...

Sir Alexander Dane: Are we there yet?

[after fake fighting]

Jason Nesmith: You used to pull your punches.

Sir Alexander Dane: It's "Scene-Stealing Hack," thank you.

Jason Nesmith: "Raving Egomaniac"?

Sir Alexander Dane: Can't think where I got THAT from.

[Reading a tactical display]

Guy Fleegman: Hey guys, there's a red-thingy moving toward the green-thingy.

Jason Nesmith: What?

Guy Fleegman: Red-thingy moving toward the green-thingy. I think we're the green-thingy.

[Sarris forces Jason to tell Mathesar he's an actor on a TV show]

Jason Nesmith: I'm not a commander. There's no "National Space Exploration Administration." We don't have a ship.

Mathesar: [looking at TV screen] But there it is...

Jason Nesmith: [gesturing with his fingers] The ship is that big.

Mathesar: But inside, I see many rooms.

Jason Nesmith: You've seen plywood sets that look like the inside. Our beryllium sphere is... is wire with plaster around it. And our digital conveyor is... it's Christmas tree lights. It's a decoration. It's all fake. Just like me.

Mathesar: But why...?

Jason Nesmith: It's difficult to explain. On our planet, we, uh... we pretend to... to entertain. Mathesar, I am so sorry. God, I am so sorry.

Sir Alexander Dane: I played Richard III.

Fred Kwan: Five curtain calls...

Sir Alexander Dane: There were five curtain calls. I was an actor once, damn it. Now look at me. Look at me! I won't go out there and say that stupid line one more time.

Gwen DeMarco: Fred, you had a part people loved. I mean, my TV Guide interview was six paragraphs about my BOOBS and how they fit into my suit. No one bothered to ask me what I do on the show.

Fred Kwan: You were... the umm, wait a minute, I'll think of it...

Gwen DeMarco: I repeated the computer, Fred.

Sarris: [Sarris believes that Nesmith plans to ram his ship] Let me remind you, sonny: I am a general. If you are counting on me to blink, then you are making a deadly mistake.

Jason Nesmith: Well, let me tell you something, Sarris: It doesn't take a great actor to recognize a bad one. You're sweating.

Sarris: You fool! You failed to realize that, with your armor gone, my ship will tear through yours like tissue paper.

Jason Nesmith: And what you fail to realize is my ship... is dragging mines!

Sir Alexander Dane: Where's the happy ending, Jason? "Never give up, never surrender?"

Jason Nesmith: [Using the opportunity to provoke a fake fight] Maybe it's about time you just backed off, you fin-headed monstrosity.

Sir Alexander Dane: You what?

Jason Nesmith: You're starting to act just like to did in Episode 17, you scene-stealing hack!

Sir Alexander Dane: [Finally catching on] Oh! Right! Well, how does it feel, Jason? Was it worth it? You've murdered us all!

Jason Nesmith: Shut up.

Sir Alexander Dane: Hundreds to die, just because of you!

Jason Nesmith: I told you to shut up!

[They are both shoved into an air lock]

Sir Alexander Dane: Hundreds to die, just because you want to play at being commander, you raving lunatic.

[They begin shoving each other]

Jason Nesmith: Then I'll see you in Hell, won't I?

[They begin punching each other. Alexander motions Jason towards a metal rod. Jason swings at him, Alexander ducks, and Jason knocks out one of the guards. They rush the others]

Jason Nesmith: You WILL go out there.

Sir Alexander Dane: I won't and nothing you say will make me.

Jason Nesmith: The show must go on.

Sir Alexander Dane: ...Damn you.

[Fred and Larali start to passionately kiss]

Guy Fleegman: [Turns away, embarrassed] Hey... Get a room guys.

[Larali's alien tentacles start to slide up Fred's back and over his shoulder]

Guy Fleegman: Woah!

[Fred looks down at the tentacles, his eyes roll back, and he starts kissing again]

Guy Fleegman: Heh, C'mon Fred.

[Fred and Larali drop to the floor and out of sight. A high pitched squishing sound is heard]

Guy Fleegman: Oh *that's* not right! No...

Guy Fleegman: HEY! Don't open that! It's an alien planet! Is there air? You don't know!

[Guy holds his breath. Kwan sniffs the air and shrugs]

Fred Kwan: Seems okay.

Guy Fleegman: I don't like this. I don't like this at all.

Gwen DeMarco: They are *so* cute.

Guy Fleegman: Sure, they're cute now, but in a second they're gonna get mean, and they're gonna get ugly somehow, and there's gonna be a million more of them.

Jason Nesmith: Okay Gwen, put me back on with him.

Gwen DeMarco: That's what I've been trying to tell you, Jason. You ARE back with him.

Sarris: Perhaps I am not as stupid as I am ugly, commander!

Jason Nesmith: [to Gwen] I gave you the 'kill' gesture.

Gwen DeMarco: No, you gave me the 'we're dead' signal. I was agreeing with you. Like I know where the 'hold' button is.

Gwen DeMarco: Alex, where are you going?

Sir Alexander Dane: To see if there's a pub.

Jason Nesmith: Am I too late for Alexander's panic attack?

[Alex hides his face in despair]

Jason Nesmith: Apparently not.

[after blowing two of Sarris' men out the airlock]

Fred Kwan: Sorry, I was - door was a little sticky. Did you see that? I'll get one of my boys up here with a can of WD-40.

Guy Fleegman: I'm just a glorified extra, Fred. I'm a dead man anyway. If I'm gonna die, I'd rather go out a hero than a coward.

Fred Kwan: Guy, Guy, maybe you're the plucky comic relief. You ever think about that?

Guy Fleegman: Plucky?

[Introducing Alex at the convention]

Announcer: Give him a hand, he's British.

Fred Kwan: Hey guys, I just wanted you to know that, the reactors won't take it; the ship is breaking apart and all that... Just FYI.

Gwen DeMarco: [On the phone, discussing Jason's meltdown] I mean it Alex, I'm worried. I've never seen him lose it like that before. Not to a fan.

Sir Alexander Dane: [Alexander is alone in his apartment. He has a shower towel over his shoulder and is looking through the refrigerator. He is still wearing his alien headgear prosthetic] Gwen, I've been saying it for years. He's mentally unstable.

Sir Alexander Dane: [Guy is grinning at Alex] What?

Guy Fleegman: I'm just jazzed about being on the show, man.

Sir Alexander Dane: [Indicated Jason] Need I remind you that this man is wearing a costume, not a uniform. He's no more qualified to lead us than

[indicating Guy]

Sir Alexander Dane: ... this fellow... No offense...

[On traveling through space in a pod]

Fred Kwan: That was a hell of a thing.

[Sarris forces Jason to tell Mathesar he's an actor on a TV show]

Jason Nesmith: Mathesar, there's no such person as Captain Taggart. My name is Jason Nesmith. I'm an actor. We're all actors.

Sarris: He doesn't understand. Explain as you would a child.

Jason Nesmith: We, uh, we pretended.

[On Malthesar's blank look]

Jason Nesmith: We lied.

Jason Nesmith: Crewman Madison, the mist of this strange planet is filing my head with such thoughts...

Gwen DeMarco: [pushing him away] It was cute when I didn't know you.

Mathesar: We were hoping you could come with us. Our people have no commander.

Commander Peter Quincy Taggart: Mathesar, I think your people have a great commander, sir.

[salutes him]

Gwen DeMarco: [after seeing the chompers] Well, screw *that*!

Jason Nesmith: [to Sarris on viewscreen] Hello, Sarris. How you doing?

Sarris: Better than my lieutenant.

[holds up a severed head on a stick]

[first lines]

Laredo: Exiting the time knot now, Sir.

Tech Sgt. Chen: We're alive.

Laredo: We made it, Commander. We made it.

Dr. Lazarus: By Grabthar's hammer, we live to tell the tale.

Voice of Computer: Systems registering functional.

Lt. Tawny Madison: All systems are working, Commander.

Commander Peter Quincy Taggart: I don't like it. It was too easy.

Laredo: Wait. Oh, no! They're everywhere. There are time knots opening everywhere.

Lt. Tawny Madison: A trap!

Dr. Lazarus: We're surrounded, Commander.

[crew screaming as the ship is hit]

Tech Sgt. Chen: It's a core meltdown, sir. It can't be stopped.

Dr. Lazarus: Surrender may be our only option.

Commander Peter Quincy Taggart: No! Never give up, never surrender.

Laredo: Your orders, sir?

[pause]

Laredo: Sir, your orders?

Commander Peter Quincy Taggart: Activate the Omega 13.

[?to be continued? appears on the screen]

Fred Kwan: Hey, Commander. Listen, we found some beryllium on a nearby planet. And we might be able to get there if we reconfigure the solar matrix in parallel for endothermic propulsion. What'd'ya think?

Jason Nesmith: We'll do that!

Guy Fleegman: All right!

Fred Kwan: [to his engineering team] That's right again. That's... come on, group hug.

Sir Alexander Dane: You don't hold the turbo down, it's for quick boosts!

Jason Nesmith: Oh, like you know!

Fred Kwan: It's the simple things in life you treasure.

Sir Alexander Dane: [Looking out of the shuttle-craft window; Taggart has heroically stayed on the planet to draw off the Berillium-Sphere Mine Denizens] Oh, of course! IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU, ISN'T IT?

Jason Nesmith: Remember yesterday at the convention, those people dressed like aliens? They were aliens! They were termites or... or dalmations. I can't really remember cause I was kinda hungover.

Jason Nesmith: As long as there is injustice, whenever a Targathian baby cries out, wherever a distress signal sounds among the stars, we'll be there. This fine ship, this fine crew. Never give up... and never surrender.

Voice of Computer: Enemy is matching velocity.

Gwen DeMarco: The enemy is matching velocity.

Sir Alexander Dane: We heard it the first time.

Gwen DeMarco: Gosh, I'm doing it. I'm repeating the darn computer.

Tommy Webber: You know, with all that makeup and stuff, I actually thought you were SMART for a second.

[Introducing Guy at the convention]

Announcer: It's... another ship mate!

Jason Nesmith: All right, let's settle down. If we're going to get through this we're going to need self control.

Gwen DeMarco: Self control? That's funny coming from the guy that slept with every Terrakian slave girl and Moon Princess on the show.

Sarris: How adorable. The actors are going to play war with me.

[On the Thermians' worship of the egotistical Jason Nesmith]

Sir Alexander Dane: It's like throwing gasoline on a flame.

[Klaxon sounding]

Gwen DeMarco: I remember that sound. That's a bad sound.

Sir Alexander Dane: You broke the ship. You broke the bloody ship.

Jason Nesmith: You guys came. Who wants the grand tour?

[Guy screams]

Jason Nesmith: Anybody else?

[They're flying through a mine field in an attempt to shake off Sarris]

Sir Alexander Dane: Could you possibly try NOT to hit EVERY SINGLE ONE?

Teb: [after Alexander and Quellek open the door to the barracks] We're saved! He saved us! Commander Taggart has saved us!

the Thermian crew in the barracks: [cheering together] Hurrah! Commander Taggart!

Sir Alexander Dane: It's just not fair.

[last lines]

Announcer: And now, back again after 18 years: The New Adventures of Galaxy Quest.

Jason Nesmith: There is no "quantum flux". There's no "auxiliary". THERE'S NO GODDAMNED SHIP. You got it?

[as Jason is mooning them, looking for his shoes]

Mathesar: Commander, standing here in your presence is the greatest honor we could ever have hoped to achieve in our lifetimes.

Jason Nesmith: Thanks, I really appreciate it... Could you guys look for another shoe?

Tommy Webber: You were holding it upside down

Sir Alexander Dane: Shut up.

Jason Nesmith: Give me any kind of signal.

Tommy Webber: I'll do this:

[cups hands]

Tommy Webber: CAW! CAW!

Jason Nesmith: What are you, an infant? We have *these*!

[Jason holds up a communicator in front of Tommy]

Tommy Webber: I was just... sorry...

Gwen DeMarco: [after Jason leaves for the ship] Wait! We want to go, too.

Laliari: You all wish to go to the ship?

Gwen DeMarco: Yes, we wish to go to the ship. See we work together or not at all!

Laliari: Wonderful. The captain had me continue transmission in case you changed your minds.

[speaking into her vox]

Laliari: Protector, requesting four pods...

Guy Fleegman: [Interrupts] Oh, me too!

Laliari: Five pods for immediate departure.

Gwen DeMarco: [after the pods appear on the ground] Guys... Guys?

Laliari: I look forward to meeting you all in person. End transmission.

[bows to the crew members and disappears]

Jason Nesmith: I got to fight this guy named Sarris, and I kicked his ass!

Gwen DeMarco: Ducts? Why is it always ducts?

Gwen DeMarco: [after going through the chompers] Whoever wrote this episode should die!

Jason Nesmith: Hi! What's up with her, doesn't she talk?

Quellek: Her translator is broken.

Laliari: Yalalalala!

Jason Nesmith: Okey dokey.

[On Jason]

Gwen DeMarco: You've gotta admit, they really do love him.

Tommy Webber: Yeah, almost as much as he loves himself.

Teb: Are you enjoying your Kep-mok blood ticks, Dr. Lazarus?

Sir Alexander Dane: [disgusted] Just like mother used to make.

Sir Alexander Dane: [Blood tick jump off his spoon and splashes down into the bowl of tentacles. Alexander puts his head in his hands and sighs]

Gwen DeMarco: Does the rolling *help*?

Jason Nesmith: Yes, it helps.

Jason Nesmith: I'm going to rest my eyes for a moment. But go on. I am listening...

Quellek: By Grabthar's hammer, Dr. Lazarus...

Sir Alexander Dane: [Interrupts] Don't do that! I'm not kidding.

Gwen DeMarco: No, the Commander and I never had a... thing.

Jason Nesmith: Well, that's HER story.

Jason Nesmith: She's not a fan! This is a... this is a termite!

Jason Nesmith: Okey dokey, Okey dokey. Lets fire blue particle cannons full, red particle cannons full, gannet magnets fire them left and right, and let 'em run all chutes. And while you're at it, why don't ya toss that at 'em killer

[tossing empty Coke can to gunner]

Jason Nesmith: That should take care of old lobster head shouldn't it?

Jason Nesmith: This is like... corn fed Iowa beef!

Fred Kwan: Sorry, the door was a little sticky. Did you see that. I'll get one of my boys up here with a can of WD-40.

[Jason and Gwen reach a catwalk without guard rails]

Jason Nesmith: Wait a minute. We gotta go across this thing?

Brandon: Yes.

Jason Nesmith: [to Gwen] Don't look down.

Brandon: Commander, what I'd give to see what you're seeing!

[What Gwen sees, looking down, is a slowly rotating fan that spans the entire core that they're crossing]

Jason Nesmith: What are you talking about?

Brandon: You're deep in the underbelly of the Omega 13! Oh, it must be spectacular!

Gwen DeMarco: It - it doesn't look like much to me. Just these few walls and this dumb spinning fan that we have in every single...

[Jason looks up and a look of incredulity crosses his face. He points and Gwen looks up, too. What they see is the inner works of the Omega 13, nodules, spinning and glowing, jets of light shooting throughout it]

Jason Nesmith: Brandon. What does the Omega 13 device do?

Brandon: Uh, many have believed that it is a matter collapser: a bomb capable of destroying pretty much everything in about 13 seconds. But myself and others are convinced that what it is is a matter *rearranger*, affecting a 13 second time jump to the past.

Gwen DeMarco: Why 13 seconds? That's really not enough time to do anything of any importance.

Jason Nesmith: It'd be time to redeem a single mistake.

Quellek: I avoided capture by using your Mak'tar stealth haze.

Gwen DeMarco: [backstage at the convention] I mean, this is unreal. They're gonna start eating each other out there.

[Jason is impressed by the Thermian ship's bridge]

Jason Nesmith: This is great. Usually it's just cardboard walls in a garage.

Fred Kwan: Wow, the floors are so clean.

Gwen DeMarco: Jason, we are actors, not astronauts.

Mathesar: We have enjoyed preparing many of your esoteric dishes. Your Monte Cristo sandwich is a current favorite among the adventurous.

Sir Alexander Dane: Where's the happy ending, Jason? "Never give up, never surrender"?

Jason Nesmith: You know, what I could really use here is a cup holder and a couple of Advil.

Jason Nesmith: I'm not the commander!

Sarris: What did you say?

Jason Nesmith: I said I'm not the commander.

Sarris: Explain.

Jason Nesmith: You know, you're starting to act a lot like you did in episode 17.

Sir Alexander Dane: [thinks a moment] Ooohhh. Right!

Fred Kwan: [Trying to work the matter-transmitter] So what do we test it on?

Tommy Webber: [Sees Taggart, on the monitor, grappling with Grignak on the Berillium-Sphere planet] How about that Pig-Lizard?

Jason Nesmith: [to Sarris about the Omega 13] You know? OK! Gosh darn it, I give up! It's yours, you can have it. You have to give me a minute to put it in a box for ya. OK?

Sarris: Release them... Into space.

Quellek: [to Dane] You're alive! Thank Ipthar!

Jason Nesmith: Sorry, broke the illusion

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