Pat: The only way you can beat my crazy was by doing something crazy yourself. Thank you. I love you. I knew it the minute I met you. I'm sorry it took so long for me to catch up. I just got stuck.

Pat Sr.: Let me tell you, I know you don't want to listen to your father, I didn't listen to mine, and I am telling you you gotta pay attention this time. When life reaches out at a moment like this it's a sin if you don't reach back, I'm telling you its a sin if you don't reach back! It'll haunt you the rest of your days like a curse. You're facing a big challenge in your life right now at this very moment, right here. That girl loves you she really really loves you. I don't know if Nicki ever did, but she sure as shit doesn't right now. So don't fuck this up.

Pat: The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday. That's guaranteed. I can't begin to explain that. Or the craziness inside myself and everyone else. But guess what? Sunday's my favorite day again. I think of what everyone did for me, and I feel like a very lucky guy.

Tiffany: I do this! Time after time after time! I do all this shit for other people! And then I wake up and I'm empty! I have nothing!

Tiffany: Can we get through one fucking conversation without you reminding me that my goddamn husband's dead?

Tiffany: Why did you order raisin bran?

Pat: Why did you order tea?

Tiffany: Because you ordered raisin bran.

Pat: I ordered raisin bran because I didn't want there to be any mistaking it for a date.

Tiffany: It can still be a date if you order raisin bran.

Tiffany: I was a big slut, but I'm not anymore. There will always be a part of me that is sloppy and dirty, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself. I can forgive. Can you say the same for yourself, fucker? Can you forgive? Are you capable of that?

Tiffany: Humanity is just nasty and there's no silver lining.

[holding hands]

Pat: Wait, what's this?

Tiffany: I thought you were doing it.

Pat: I thought you were doing it.

Pat: This is what I learned at the hospital. You have to do everything you can, you have to work your hardest, and if you do, if you stay positive, you have a shot at a silver lining.

Tiffany: You know, I used to think that you were the best thing that ever happened to me, but now I think that you might maybe be the worst thing. And I'm sorry that I ever met you.

Pat: Good for you. Come on, let's go dance.

Tiffany: You let me lie to you for a week?

Pat: I was trying to be romantic.

Pat: How old are you?

Tiffany: Old enough to have a marriage end and not wind up in a mental hospital.

Tiffany: I opened up to you, and you judged me.

Tiffany: You love me?

Pat: Yeah, I do.

Tiffany: Okay.

[kisses him]

Tiffany: I'm just the crazy slut, with a dead husband! Fuck you!

Pat: You have poor social skills. You have a problem.

Tiffany: I have a problem? You say more inappropriate things than appropriate things.

Pat: Hey, my friend Ronnie is having this party on Sunday night and it's like a real hoity-toity thing. And his wife Veronica is a real stickler for... I don't know. My mom got this Gap outfit she wants me to wear, but I want to wear a jersey that my brother Jake got me from the Eagles

Dr. Cliff Patel: Which jersey?

Pat: DeSean Jackson.

Dr. Cliff Patel: DeSean Jackson is the man.

Pat: Well, that settles that.

Pat Sr.: Yeah, have Ernest Hemingway call us and apologize to us too.

Tiffany: Not that I give a fuck about football or about your superstitions, but if it's me reading the signs, I don't send the Eagles guy whose personal motto is "Excelsior," to a fucking Giants game, especially when he's already in a legal situation.

Officer Keogh: Hey, aren't you Tommy's widow?

Tiffany: Yes, I'm Tommy's crazy whore widow. Minus the whore thing, for the most part.

Officer Keogh: You want to get a drink sometime?

[Tiffany turns around and walks away in disgust]

Pat: You shouldn't say that to her. She doesn't do that anymore.

Officer Keogh: What? What did I say?

Pat: She doesn't do that anymore.

Pat: You look nice.

Tiffany: Thank you.

Pat: Oh, I'm not flirting with you.

Tiffany: Oh, I didn't think you were.

Pat: I just see that you made an effort, and I'm gonna be better with my wife. I'm working on that. I wanna acknowledge her beauty. I never used to do that. I do now. Just practicing. How'd Tommy die?

[Tiffany looks shocked and sad]

Tiffany: You know what, forget I offered to help you. Forget the entire fucking idea, because that must have been fucking crazy, because I'm so much CRAZIER than you!

Pat: [Indifferent] Keep your voice down.

Tiffany: I'm just the crazy slut with a dead husband!

Tiffany: [Tiffany laughs insanely]

Pat: [Still mostly indifferent] Shut the fuck up.

Tiffany: [Yelling] Fuck you!

Tiffany: [Tiffany sweeps everything off the table onto the floor]

Tiffany: [Walking away] You shut the fuck up!

Tiffany: Hey!

Pat: What the fuck? I'm married!

Tiffany: So am I!

Pat: What the fuck are you doing? Your husband's dead!

Tiffany: Where's your wife?

Pat: You're crazy!

Tiffany: I'm not the one who just got out of that hospital in Baltimore.

Pat: I'm not the big slut!... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry.

Tiffany: I was a big slut, but I'm not any more. There's always going to be a part of me that's sloppy and dirty, but I like that. With all the other parts of myself. Can you say the same about yourself fucker? Can you forgive? Are you any good at that?

Tiffany: No walk, no letter. Walk to me like I'm Nikki. Do it, come on, I'm Nikki.

Pat: You're not Nikki.

[does the walk anyway]

Tiffany: Yes! Do you feel that? That's emotion.

Pat: I don't feel anything.

Tiffany: You might not of had experienced the shit that I did, but you loved hearing about it, didn't you? You're afraid to be alive, you're afraid to live. You're a conformist. You're a hypocrite. You're a liar. I opened up to you and you judged me!

Jordie: Hi, guys. How's it going? Hey. Is Tiffany home?

Tiffany's Mother: Go away.

Jordie: I know her. I know her, we've dated. We still date.

Pat: What are you doing here?

Jordie: I've called her, I've texted her.

Pat: [to Tiffany's parents] Do you know this guy?

Jordie: I still haven't heard back. We used to work together...

Tiffany's Father: Just get the hell out of here...

Jordie: I just wanted to give you my card to give to her.

Tiffany's Father: Another rude creep.

Pat: Listen to what he's saying. Listen to what he's saying.

Jordie: What's he saying?

Pat: He's saying you're being rude.

Jordie: How am I being rude?

Pat: Oh, you know. You know. Come on. Sometimes it's okay with girls like this, they wanna have fun and it's not because they got a broken wing, and they're hurt, and they're an easy target. And in this case, in this particular case, I think that wing is being fixed. And you gotta make sure it gets mended. And you're gettin' in the way of that right now, okay? Because she's sensitive and she's smart, she's artistic. This is a great girl and you gotta be respectful of that. Come on. Let me walk you down to your car. You're a better guy than this. I can see it in your eyes.

Jordie: She just texted me!

Danny: Black it up, Pat.

Pat Sr.: [upon arriving at the hotel and seeing the professional dancers on the night of the competition] Holy shit. Is this Dancing with the Stars?

Pat Sr.: I guess his sixth sense forgot to tell him the cops were coming.

Pat: It's electric between us! Okay, yeah, we wanna change each other, but that's normal, couples wanna do that. I want her to stop dressing like she dresses, I want her to stop acting so superior to me, okay? And she wanted me to lose weight and stop my mood swings, which both I've done. I mean, people fight. Couples fight. We would fight, we wouldn't talk for a couple weeks. That's normal. She always wanted the best for me.

Tiffany: Wow.

Pat: She wanted me to be passionate and compassionate. And that's a good thing. You know? I just, look, I'm my best self today, and I think she's her best self today, and our love's gonna be fucking amazing.

Tiffany: It's gonna be amazing, and you're gonna be amazing, and she's gonna be amazing, and you're not gonna be that guy that's gonna take advantage of a situation without offering to do something back. So think about the dance thing.

[Tiffany turns and walks off]

[to her sister and brother in law about Nikki being there]

Tiffany: You're killing me!

Older Waitress: Slow down, Raisin Bran!

Dolores: It's game day. I'm making crabby snacks and homemades.

Pat: Yeah, come on, Dad, be nice. Come on, she's making crabby snacks and homemades!

Pat Sr.: ...and I'll take that fucking camera and I'm gonna break it over your fuckin' head, then I'm gonna come back and interview you about what it's like to get that fuckin' camera broken over your head!

Ronnie: Oh, she's a mess. You gotta be careful. She goes to a lot of therapy.

Pat: I go to a lot of therapy, Ronnie. What are you trying to say?

Ronnie: I'm just saying.

Tiffany: Listen, I haven't dated since before my marriage so I don't really remember how this works.

Pat: How what works?

Tiffany: I saw the way you were looking at me, Pat. You felt it, I felt it, don't lie. We're not liars like they are. I live in the addition around back, which is completely separate from my parents' house, so there's no chance of them walking in on us. I hate the fact that you wore a football jersey to dinner because I hate football, but you can fuck me if you turn the lights off, okay?

Dr. Cliff Patel: Will somebody please explain me the parlay, please?

Ronnie: You gotta win two bets or you lose the whole thing. For Pat Sr. to win, the Birds gotta beat the Cowboys, plus, Pat and Tiffany gotta get at least a 5 at the dance.

Dr. Cliff Patel: That's very, very manic, indeed.

Tiffany: You are afraid to be alive. You are afraid to live. You're a hypocrite. You're a conformist. You're a liar. I opened up to you and you judged me. You're an asshole. YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE! Get off of me! He's harassing me! HE'S HARASSING ME!

Pat: Mom, can we stop at the library? I want to read Nikki's entire high school syllabus.

Pat: [to his mother] Danny was in for assault because of crystal meth and alcohol.

Danny: Bad combination.

Pat: On top of an anxiety disorder.

Pat: We have a very unconventional chemistry, it makes people feel awkward, but not me. Alright? She's the most beautiful woman I've ever been with. It's electric between us! Okay, yeah, we wanna change each other, but that's normal, couples wanna do that. I want her to stop dressing like she dresses, I want her to stop acting so superior to me, okay? And she wanted me to lose weight and stop my mood swings, which both I've done. I mean, people fight. Couples fight. We would fight, we wouldn't talk for a couple weeks. That's normal. She always wanted the best for me.

Tiffany: Wow.

Pat: She wanted me to be passionate and compassionate. And that's a good thing. You know? I just, look, I'm my best self today, and I think she's her best self today, and our love's gonna be fucking amazing.

Tiffany: It's gonna be amazing, and you're gonna be amazing, and she's gonna be amazing, and you're not gonna be that guy that's gonna take advantage of a situation without offering to do something back. So think about the dance thing.

[Tiffany turns and walks off]

Tiffany: Calm down, Crazy.

Tiffany: You're not a standup guy today, Pat!

[repeated line]

Pat Sr.: Have some respect for what I do.

Pat Sr.: Here we are again at the one yard line. DeSean, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. There you go.

Pat: [to Jake] As my friend Danny would say... I got nothing but love for you, brother.

Veronica: [Demonstrating the iPod player on the wall] I can play music for the baby in any room.

Pat: Can you play "Ride the Lightning" by Metallica?

Pat: Nikki's waiting for me to get in shape and get my life back together. Then we're going to be together.

Pat: I don't have an iPod. I don't have a phone. They don't let me make calls. I'm going to call Nikki.

Tiffany: It's the kids, it's the kids.

Tiffany: Honestly he didn't do anything.

Tiffany: It was all the kids.

Tiffany: They started it, he didn't do anything.

Tiffany: Come on man, come here.

Tiffany: What are you gonna do about that song? Huh?

Tiffany: You gonna go your whole life scared of that song?

Tiffany: It's a song. Don't make it a monster.

Tiffany: Come on, breathe. There's no song.

Tiffany: There's no song. There's no song playing.

Dolores: I'm making crabby snacks and homemades.

[repeated line]

Officer Keogh: You wanna go back to Baltimore?

Officer Keogh: Do yourself a favour: respect a restraining order, ok?